


Beautiful vision

by TroubleMoi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blindness, Delinquent!Levi, Disability, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, blind!Erwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-05-24 17:36:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14959061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TroubleMoi/pseuds/TroubleMoi
Summary: AU where Erwin is blind and a delinquent has to  keep him company.





	1. Chapter 1

Being blind is never something that you ask or wish for. Not even to your worst enemy. But what can you do when your vision deteriorates day after day until you cannot even work or walk by yourself? Hereditary condition. Men in white coats said. And Erwin thanked his grandma for the gift. He couldn’t do anything but accept his fate and move to, an appropriate establishment with other disabled people like him. His world became black and soon enough his mind too. Erwin lost the envy to do and accomplish anything. His only purpose was to survive in a society where people like him were considered a disease. He was left in the dark until the day he met him. 

Levi.

Delinquent, indomitable Levi. Until he got caught by the cops for being involved in the burglary. He ended up doing community service in the same establishment as Erwin and became his help.  
The meeting was not what we can call peaceful. Levi showed a lot of resentment toward Erwin and the work he had to do. Most of the time he ignored him and cursed a lot as if he was not there. However, Erwin still tried to initiate the little talk. In vain. He could understand why the boy wouldn’t like to be imprisoned all day with disabled people. Erwin gave up quickly when he understood Levi didn’t care. Anyway, Levi did his job, kept him company, walked him outside, gave him his food and medication. He just counted the days until he would be done. 

“Levi?” 

“What?” The younger man asked, not looking away from his phone. It was almost 6 and soon he could leave this place and join his friends. 

“Can you give my medication, please? I have a headache.” Erwin put two digits to massage the inside of his eyes. Reading braille was really a heavy mental exercise. 

“Yeah wait.” he reluctantly left his phone to retrieve the medicine in the drugs compartment. He handed it to Erwin with a glass of water but Erwin’s hand was trembling too hard.

“Let me do it” Levi sighed and gave him the water himself. Erwin gulped it as if he had been stuck in a desert for a whole week. He then let his face fall heavily on Levi’s stomach, breathing deeply.

“Do you want me to call the nurse?” Levi said, concerned and not really comfortable. 

“No just stay like that. It will be fine soon. Just don’t move”

Levi stayed until Erwin felt better. 

After that, something changed. It was as if Levi had been hit by a truck full of compassion and he became a little nicer and a little less angry. Even his way of talking changed as he used fewer curse words. Well, it depended. 

“Fuck!”

“Language Levi…” 

“Sorry but why are people so fucking stupid?” He said pointing at his phone

“Levi…” 

“Fuck… I am sorry”

“…” 

“That idiot. I can’t believe it”

“What happened?” 

“I have this friend… he was also involved in the burglary” Levi mumbled. He was not proud of that. “Anyway apparently he is also linked to a cartel and I fucking told him to never get into that and he just never listens” Levi finished, frustrated. He just wanted the best for him and he hoped that after the end of their punishment they could begin anew. 

“I am sorry” 

“Anyway I don’t care. If he wants to rot in prison, then it’s his damn problem!” He is not his father. They are both mentally capable of making their own decisions. 

“Come here” Erwin patted the empty seat next to him in the sofa. He couldn’t see Levi but he sensed his hesitation. He heard the man shift and the place next to him sank. Erwin sighed internally. Sometimes, he didn’t know how to act with Levi, he was just so unpredictable.

“I know he is your friend but if you tried to convince him and he didn’t listen you cannot do anything about it.” Erwin declared seriously. “You have to make the best decision for you Levi. And the fact that you are willing to change your life is already a big step. I am proud of you” He finished with a comforting tone and a light smile.

Levi stayed quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say. That was the first time someone told him he was proud of him. Something in his heart constricted. 

“Thank you.” 

“Why are you always reading? That is so boring” Levi greeted him as he threw his leather jacket on the sofa.

“Hello Levi” Erwin greeted back. A smile playing in his lips “How are you?” 

“I am good but the depressive aura here will be the death of me soon” He sighed.

“I see would you like to play some ga-”

“I know! Stand up!” Levi put away the book from his laps and took Erwin by both hands, urging him to stand up. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Erwin asked, confused. but Levi abandoned him a moment and soon enough Erwin heard an upbeat sound playing.

“Do you know how to dance Smith?” Levi found him back and grabbed one of his hand. Letting his body enjoy the music, jumping hard.

“Wait, Levi, I don’t know how to dance to that”

“It is easy! You just have to move your head up and down” Levi said his voice loud enough to cover the music. 

So Erwin did that, he moved his head up and down. He felt ridiculous but at the same time, he felt light and ecstatic. So he let it go. 

“Yes like that Erwin!” 

It has been too long since the last time Erwin had so much fun. 

“That was not dancing” Erwin chuckled, sitting heavily. 

“Whatever I enjoyed it,” Levi said, lying exhausted on the sofa. He had to remove his sweater because he was just too hot. 

“Me too” Erwin curved his mouth. “But I will show you what is real dancing.” 

“Oh no. Do we have to listen to your exciting classical music?” Levi’s tone was dripping with sarcasm.

“Not really. Can you put the first disk and put it in the vinyl player please?” 

Levi sighed but he roused from his position to do accordingly. He observed the disks collection before taking the one Erwin requested. “You are so old-fashioned”.

“Come here.” He said as soon as the first notes hit. 

“That sound like something my grandmother would listen to” 

“Shh, give me your hands” 

“Are we really doing that?” Levi asked doing exactly what Erwin told him to. Erwin intertwined one hand in his and put Levi’s other hand in his shoulder. Though, kind of. Because the man was that small. And Erwin placed his other hand in Levi’s lower back.

“Yes. You owe me that. I could have had a heart attack earlier” Erwin stated, tone serious. He let their bodies follow the sweet melody, their feet light on the floor. 

“…” Levi looked at him bemused. 

“I am joking” Erwin confessed, sensing the discomfort.

“You bastard. You are not that old” 

“That is true” Erwin chuckled. They stayed dancing like that and at one point Erwin closed their proximity. 

“Thank you so much” He whispered in Levi’s ear and let his head fall in his shoulder. Erwin couldn’t see him but he felt the tremor of Levi’s body. Levi took the opportunity then to tighten his arms around his neck. 

“Can I try?” 

“Try what?”

“The braille I am sure I can read it too.”

“Oh ok.”

Levi left his usual spot to come and sit next to Erwin, their thighs touching and Levi’s upper body practically in his laps. The closeness made Erwin’s body hot and he tried to breathe evenly. 

“The... mov- movement? was, had?” Levi tried to decipher the words with his fingers but he clearly was having a hard time “This is fucking difficult!” He said looking up to Erwin. The blond’s face was facing him. Seeing him without really seeing him. 

“What?” Levi asked his brows frowning. 

“I wish I could see you.” Erwin admitted, voice, like a whisper, a confession. Levi was taken aback by the serious tone and stayed silent for a moment. “I am sorry” Erwin tried to take his words back but his cheeks were burning and-

“You can.” Levi said without looking away. 

“You can see me Erwin” and with that, he took one of Erwin’s bigger hands and placed it on his face. Erwin's fingers wandered, first on his large forehead and thin eyebrows, then went down to his narrow eyes, he caressed the bridge of his pointy nose to finally reach his feather small lips. He memorized every single piece of information about his face and printed them in his brain. 

“You are so beautiful Levi” Erwin choked, a lump stuck in his throat.

“Kiss me Erwin” Levi demanded. He had been repressing this urge for too long. “Please”. 

“Levi…”

“Please.”

Erwin gripped Levi’s face firmly and closed the distance slowly. Levi shut his eyes too but opened them soon enough when Erwin’s nose bumped into his forehead. Levi let out a small painful sound.

“I am sorry” Erwin panicked.

“Let me ok?” Levi angled their faces properly and finally met those lips.


	2. Chapter 2

Erwin found out a new exciting hobby since the last time Levi visited. He didn’t know if they could, all he knew was that he couldn’t get enough of Levi’s lips. The bursting sensation, the way he hummed around his tongue, the way he caressed and explored him. It had been so long for Erwin since the last time he could touch with his fingertips a pulsating skin other than his. The last time he was well and he could see as clear as the day. He didn’t need any assistance to put on a shirt or toothpaste. The last time he could see, it was warm, big chocolate eyes that had looked at him, thin tan arms that had embraced him, plump strawberry lips that had kissed him. He couldn’t see her when she cried the last time but he was certain she had wrinkled her nose and cover her mouth with her smooth hands. He didn’t blame her; he knew she deserved better. But now, another pair of lips haunted his night, less plump-like but still overwhelming, he tasted him like a gastronomic dish from one of the finest restaurant and the texture of his lips were like velvet. The arms were stronger and more eager and he wondered what colour emits his irises. The mere thought of him making his sheets moist and warm. A dream he couldn’t picture but that made him soft in the pit of the stomach all day long. 

“Erwin” he heard the huskier voice in his lips. Calloused and sturdy hands everywhere at the same time, Erwin couldn’t keep up, every touch made his obscure world exploded with million colours he didn’t know he could perceive again. The mere touch of lips creating a whole galaxy in his head, a starry night behind his eyes. 

Levi’s hands travelled on his body and Erwin felt like he discovered it with him for the first time.

“Erwin” Levi exhaled, his voice between a moan and a whisper, his mouth sucking on a spot in his neck. Erwin closed his eyes, humming appreciably and drowning into the other man strong scent. He smelled like a distant memory to Erwin something he couldn’t quite remember but making him feel safe and warm inside at the same time. He nuzzled his nose into the soft hair, the silkiness caressing his skin. He let Levi take what he wanted, let him do his exploration until-

Erwin choked against his saliva, his body launching like a rocket, the stars behind his eyes brighter. He immediately caught the hand grabbing between his legs. 

“No- Not there” he exclaimed, his heart racing. The air entering difficultly in his lungs.

In his action, Erwin grabbed Levi’s wrist so strongly, a reflex, an impulse. He didn’t notice it until he heard an icy voice, the sweetness of it all gone. “Fuck Erwi- let go!” Levi yelled and Erwin freed him instantly. 

“I-I am sorry Levi I-“He stuttered, ashamed. It was not the first time he had been carried away by his own strength. But before, it was easy to calculate and to observe body language and expression to react but without these cues, he couldn’t control himself. 

Erwin heard a snort and the warm sensation embracing him left, leaving room for a growing knot in his stomach. Levi moved away from him, cursing between his teeth. Erwin could hear him well, the embarrassment on his face was a proof.

“The fuck Erwin?” the boy spat finally.

“Levi I am not sure we can-“

“Of course we can Erwin we are both consenting adults! What’s stopping you?” Levi’s anger was something Erwin could recognize by the tone of his voice, he could decipher it on how low it was when he was annoyed, it could go higher when he was completely pissed. Now he could hear something else he couldn’t grasp or just didn’t want to acknowledge. 

“Levi. I like you a lot.” Erwin began and he felt the boy stiffen, it made Erwin swallow hard. The last thing he wanted was to hurt the boy but he knew that Levi knew they couldn’t do it. 

“But if someone finds out it will not turn okay for you.” What will happen to Levi? Will he be removed from the home? It would certainly not bring anything good to any of them. They had already crossed the line. Making more was off-limits. Moreover, Erwin wouldn’t know how t-

“Just fucking amazing.” Levi spat. Erwin’s heart sank. His words were caught in his throat when he heard the other man shift, the sound of leather thrown on and a fly zipping. “I knew things would be fucked up with you” Levi hissed and that was the last thing Erwin heard before the door slammed. 

It felt like waking up in the dark again.

Erwin didn’t hear about Levi the next day, nor the day after, nor the following days. That icy feeling surrounding him intensified each day and he missed the presence of a warm and constant presence next to him. 

Still he hoped that he could listen again to the quick steps, the leather removed, and the sound of a form hitting the squeaky couch. 

The cracking of the door sent a signal to his body putting him on alert, ready. His fingers were caging the book he was supposed to read in vain. it had been a while since he could focus on reading the words on the embossed papers without his mind drifting far away. 

“Hey!” Erwin’s body fell back on the couch with a heavy sigh. 

“Here is my favourite patient!” A joyful voice exclaimed. Erwin offered them a neutral look. 

“How com’on!” the nurse said. Erwin’s nose scrunched up as he smelled the cafeteria food and his stomach started to act up. 

Erwin’s vow of silence came to an end; it wasn’t their fault anyway” I am sorry” he closed the book.

“No worries, I put your plate in the table. Can you come here by yourself?” They asked, following the protocol, though they were aware that Erwin knew the place like the back of his hand. From where he stood; four steps to the kitchen table, six to the bed, nine to the bathroom. 

“That’s ma boy!” They slapped him on the back before he sat down “Oh and take these. “they said, giving him a small plastic cup with two red capsules inside. “How are your headaches?” 

“I am feeling better but it hits me hard at times. Though less often than before”

“Hmm that is good you’re making progress! But don’t worry, that is perfectly normal, your brain has to make up for the lack of sight, so it is adjusting” They explained rearranging their stained glasses. “Well you should feel better after this” they grinned encouragingly. Erwin could hear the smile in their voice.

“Well it will adjust quickly hopefully…” Erwin palpated the wooden table, searching for his cutlery. 

“It will take a certain amount of time but it will be over after” They took a seat next to Erwin and explained to him what was the meal of the day. “On the South, you have the salad, on the North the chicken, on the West the mash potatoes and on the East some… weird vegetables I don’t remember the name” They said, waving at the plate. Erwin’s hunger was nowhere to be found. “I know. I know but I assure you this looks delicious” Erwin could hear the lie. 

“Wanna hear the latest gossips?” She asked, changing the subject. That was the last thing Erwin wanted to hear but he would take anything to distract him from his busy mind. He nodded not so eagerly but it was enough for the nurse to go on.

“Remember Oruo? the deaf guy?" Erwin nodded again, even though he had absolutely no idea who was the guy. “He finally asked Petra out!” He knew Petra, he talked to the sweet girl a few times in the common room, he felt bad knowing such a young and bright woman was stuck in here and worst in a chair. 

“And it was so darn cute he was like making all these signs and she was making signs too and they held hands I almost let Mr Shadis down when he tripped over my foot when I witnessed that during his walk!” They chuckled. The nurse talked so expressively it made Erwin’s inside a little less cold. Hange was a good person, a little bit over the top sometimes, but they care a lot for their patients. she was also extremely brilliant and Erwin liked their company. 

“Oh I wish I could fall in love like that” Their tone was dreamy and Erwin’s mind pictured a face he had never seen. “Oh, and I have some news about Levi” Erwin stopped munching on his dry chicken. The last time he heard about Levi, they told him they had no idea where he was and that he could be in big troubles for not fulfilling his service.

“What were you waiting for to tell me that?” he asked calmly though his mind was racing.

“I am sorry Erwin it is just that I know you like him a lot and I didn’t want to twist the knife” Most people in the establishment knew that Erwin and Levi had a good relationship. Hange was the first to notice it as she visited Erwin almost every day. They could see how close they were in the way they laughed and played together. They reminded also about that time where Levi told them to stop feeding Erwin with shitty food. They were observant and they could decipher more than Erwin obviously. 

“Where is he?” He hoped the tone he used wouldn’t betray what he felt inside. 

Hange looked at him carefully before saying “He is in jail Erwin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN 
> 
>  
> 
> Hey It's been a while guys


	3. Chapter 3

It felt like the air from his lungs had been knocked out, he didn’t know how to breathe and his knees were becoming weak. Last time he was in such a state; he had just been told that he was becoming gradually blind. 

“What happened?” He asked difficulty, his mouth dry. 

“He was caught driving without a licence. He violated also speed limits.” 

“Oh no.”

“Don’t worry Erwin it is not that serious.” Hange told him with slight reassurance but he couldn’t stop thinking of what may occur to him. 

“It is Hange. Especially after he was convicted of a felony. He has already avoided jail once. Now with that, he could be locked up.” Erwin’s hand tightened around his fork and his chest constricted so much it hurt. Levi couldn’t end up like that. No, he deserved much more. 

“Yes I know that. But as a minor, it is unlikely to happen” Hange let out absently, too busy trying to erase a stain in their glasses but it just worsened and expanded further. 

“Excuse me?” Erwin’s body turned cold. He might have heard wrong. If his hearing ability was slowing down, he would definitely serve no purpose.<,/p>

“Yes, he is on thin ice and from what I have heard he might receive a heavier sentence.” They sighed frustrated, that stain was as clingy as her ex-husband. An alarming noise made Hange stop their repetitive movements. Erwin was choking on his potato. 

“Oh dear. Please don’t die here.” They tapped on his wild shoulders and handed him his glass of water. “Yeah there. like that, drink that water. Yes, good.” Hange encouraged. 

“Levi is…” Erwin coughed heavily. “underage?” He couldn’t believe it. 

“Hm yeah.” Hange said slowly not understanding why Erwin was so concerned about Levi’s age.

“How old?” He stiffened, bracing himself for the blast. 

“Sixteen? I think.” Hange looked up contemplating. They had read it on Levi’s papers but they couldn’t remember well. 

“Oh God.” Erwin exhaled, the blast was actually deadly and it took away the only ounce of hope he had. He was actually near twice Levi’s age. 

“What’s going on Erwin? Ah! You are so darn cute Erwin! Don’t worry he won’t stay long in jail, they only put him there until the trial.” Erwin nodded lightly. Though he couldn’t see them, he was ashamed of facing Hange. He would be the one ending in jail for sure if they knew. He let a hand slide through his hair. He tried to remember each words Levi uttered and everything just made sense. He was going to be sick. 

“Erwin you look exhausted. I will take my leave now and I will see you tomorrow” They took Erwin’s plate – He hadn’t touched it for a while – and went towards the door. “Just try to rest and stop worrying ok?” Erwin grunted in acknowledgement and he groaned of frustration when the door closed. 

It took only two weeks for Levi to comeback. The judge was in a good mood the day of Levi’s judgement and with his lawyer’s outstanding ability to pose Levi as a martyr child who grew up in an unstable home with an alcoholic uncle as the only parental figure, an ill mother gone too soon and so-called friends who influenced him into doing the shadiest things, he ended up, thankfully, with only more hours of community service. Levi thanked the almighty that he didn’t end up with any fine that he clearly wouldn’t be able to pay anyway. He was sentenced back to the disability centre. That, he could handle but his summer would be definitely out of the window. The ransom of his stupidity. 

The room was still the same, small and simply arranged with basic furniture, nothing personal besides a few books and vinyl records. As soon as he walked in he found him. Always, in the same spot, comfortably sitting with his constant book in hands. He felt like time had frozen in this place. Erwin immediately looked up upon hearing the door. 

“Hey blondie.” 

“Levi?” 

“The one and only.” Levi said throwing his jacket on the nearest couch. 

“I- How are you?” Erwin’s demeanour was completely different and Levi felt like it was due to his behaviour last time and maybe the fact that he went to jail. “I heard about-”

“Listen Erwin. I don’t want to talk about this. I fucked up, I know. End of the discussion.” The last thing Levi needed know was a basic lesson of morality. 

“Fine.” Erwin’s lips were thin and Levi’s mind told him he was far from being done with the subject. Levi finally sat down and while the air became so thick and suffocating, it was absolutely not due to the heat wave hitting the country. What happened last time is still clear as the day in his mind and he had been reflecting about it during his short but awful time in prison. 

“The other day I-” He searched for his words. He wanted to say he regretted, he never thought that he would develop any kind of feeling for Erwin but he was the only one he felt he could talk to and the only one who didn’t judge him right away, Erwin showed him things about him he has never seen or just wasn’t aware. But Levi was undeniably terrible with words so he resigned for a typical “I am sorry.” 

Erwin didn’t give away anything. In fact, his expression didn’t change at all, it was filled with hard lines and he looked like he wanted to take a dump and it just annoyed Levi more. Why could they not just forget and come back to what they were doing before all the unnecessary drama? He just wanted to go on with his life. “Well if you don’t want me here, I can just go” Levi grabbed furiously his Jacket. Not that he could go like that but he was just so pissed. 

“Levi.” Erwin’s voice resonated sternly in the room. Levi waited, taken aback by Erwin’s commanding voice. 

Erwin finally moved from his position. “I need to walk a little bit.” 

Levi looked at him with confusion, before it hit him “Ok.” 

“My jacket is-”

“I Know.” Levi brought Erwin’s Jacket to him, from the wardrobe near the bed. He assisted him and put it on for him one limb at a time. 

They spent the afternoon bathed by the warm light of the sunray. They walked side by side, but a line was still drawn between them. For a long time, the only sounds perceived were made by Erwin’s cane against the light brown gravels. It was serene but it was the kind of peaceful moment that happened in-between a war, a quiet moment appreciated but that won’t last and will let place to something dreadful.

Erwin suddenly halted and he rested a hand on his face. Levi understood immediately.

“Come. There is a bench just over there.” He took Erwin by the hand and guided him towards the nearest bench. He let Erwin sat before joining him, their hands still holding. But Erwin let it go hastily. 

“We can go back.”

“I just need a minute.” 

“Ok” Levi answered softly. There was still an underlying tension that was waving between them, making Levi’s mood drop. At first, when he heard that he could come back to the disability home he was kind of relieved, at least people there weren’t crackheads and the job wasn’t so bad and moreover, it meant he could see Erwin again. Now, he wasn’t that thrilled anymore. Levi searched in his pocket for a cigarette and lighted it up. The first inhalation made the whole mess that is his life more bearable.

“I thought you had stopped.”

“I lied” He blew the smoke out on the other side, away from Erwin’s face. Actually, he did stop but with the pressure of his ordeal recently, he couldn’t stay away from it any longer. 

“I am not surprised.” Erwin said dryly.

“The fuck Erwin?” Levi scowled. Erwin couldn’t see him but he was sure he could feel the burning missile that Levi was sending him through his icy glare. “I know I fucked up ok? I am trying to be fucking nice and you-” Levi couldn’t finish his sentence he was just so discouraged. He didn’t understand why Erwin reacted like that. Levi was only there with him because Erwin accepted to take him back. Well according to Hange. 

“When were you going to tell me?” 

“To tell you what?! That I didn’t completely stop smoking? Shit, Erwin, you are not my fath-” 

“That you are not even eighteen.” Erwin spat, cutting Levi. His jaw was clenched and though he wasn’t yelling it felt worst. 

Levi was livid. “It is not your damn business.” He responded harshly. 

“I see.”

After that, Erwin’s behaviour drastically changed and Levi didn’t know how long he would tolerate being ignored. He didn’t know that the charming and attentive man that was Erwin could be this cold and stony when he wanted to. Levi told himself he didn’t care but he would be lying to himself if it didn’t sting a bit. He regretted Erwin’ s gentleness only now that it was gone. 

Levi stayed silent in his spot, arms crossed. Erwin was reading. He read all the fucking day and Levi was left there without anything to do besides looking at at the damn yellowish wall. He sighed heavily trying or not to have Erwin’s attention. He went as far as making unnecessary loud noises while yawning and stretching. Still, Erwin remained as responsive as a rock. “Shit.” 

“Did you say something?” 

“I said almost six.” 

“If you want to go now you can.” Erwin told him calmly, fingers carefully sliding along the hard paper. 

“I don’t think shitty glasses will be happy about that.” 

“I won’t tell them. Don’t worry, I don’t mind.” 

Levi huffed. “I fucking know that” He hissed between his teeth. “Well good reading or whatever.” Levi left without further notice. 

As soon as he left that suffocating room, he searched for his companion made of ash, his only refuge presently. The sun was still high in the summer sky and he wondered where he could spend the rest of the day. Going back to that piece of crumbling shit that was supposed to be home now was out of question.

“Hello Levi.” A cheerful voice reached him. “You left early today.” 

“Erwin threw me out” He exhaled the bitter smoke. He was more bitter. 

“Moh. I don’t think he will ever do that to you.” She smiled, wheeling herself near Levi. 

Levi moved a bit to the side to accommodate her wheelchair. “Well, he just did. He doesn’t give a shit.” 

“You are so dramatic; he was worried you know? We all were.” Petra smiled. “We are happy you are back.” 

“Yeah…”

“Give him some time you will see. Erwin does like you a lot” The redhead girl affirmed fervently. Levi wasn’t sure about that anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that during the summer I will be able to update more frequently, but I was away for a long time and I was writing a paper. Now I have more time for myself so hopefully I will be able to do it more often.


	4. Chapter 4

When Levi arrived at the centre on Monday, he made everything possible to go unnoticed, he lowered his head, purposely shadowing his face with his sticky half-bang. He walked with feather steps, the way he would when stealing cigarettes ‘pack at the corner shop at the end of his street. He even ignored the animated waves of Petra’s arms when she caught sight of him but Levi couldn’t risk being recognized by the staff. So to her disappointment, he ignored her. Levi smiled slightly to himself when he crossed the busy main hall filled with nurses, doctors and patients without being detected. He was going to let out a sigh of relief when he fell on the haunting ponytail at the end of the corridor he has to get through to reach Erwin’s section. His nightmare personified. He had literally a few seconds before Hange turns around and transformed his life in a living hell. To Levi’s luck, they were in the company of their eternal patient Mr Shadis who’s Q.I was equal to the one of a bird and who could see, unfortunately, Levi over Hange’s shoulder. For this sole reason, he knew he was caught. Levi shook his head slowly to indicate him to shut up but it was too late as his mouth opened wildly as soon as he noticed the younger man.

“Levi!” He shouted eagerly. 

Levi shut his eyes tightly, startled by that horrible cheerful sound. Hange pivoted on their heel, making a 180-degree turn. And when they saw Levi they offered the most excessive beam, smiling from ear to ear, their eyes sparkling and their features overly stretched. Certainly an attempt to appear friendly but they just look like someone’s whose cat has been murdered and who could express their anger just by smiling hysterically. Levi had trouble swallowing suddenly.

“What do I see? This is our beloved Levi.” They sang song joyfully, closing the safe gap between them and letting the poor Shadis smiling dumbly by himself. Levi gritted his teeth. It was no point to run away at this point.

“Tell me, Levi. Weren’t you supposed to be here- “They shook their watch dramatically in front of their stain glasses. “-one hour ago?” and when their gaze went up back to Levi, the joyfulness of the start was all gone, letting place to more severe features, one eyebrow arching up, their mouth curving backwards. 

Levi couldn’t think quickly enough – Thinking has never been his strongest point- and therefore he spewed out the first thing that came to his mind.

“Erwin doesn’t care.” He said bluntly. 

Last thing he knew, he was dragged by the arm out of the hallway to a more obscure corner, away from prying eyes. He tore his arm away free as soon as Hange stopped. 

“What the fuck” Levi shook his arm. They had a surprisingly strong hold.

The nurse looked around them and when they were sure that nobody was watching, they stepped forward, purposely setting a foot into Levi’s very treasured personal space. The boy flinched instinctively. 

“Oh I am sorry.” They giggled behind their hand and Levi wondered if their place wasn’t supposed to be in a room in the psychiatric section. They recovered quickly and said something that sent a chill on Levi’s spine “I don’t know what is happening between Erwin and you. But if you don’t change this behaviour I will have to take actions. And this means that it won’t end up prettily for you if you know what I mean.” It wasn’t so much what they said, it was much how they said it, with a joyful tone and showing all their teeth. Levi didn’t really care much about their so-called threat but he still felt a bit uneasy. He was going to retort with a remark of his own, but they didn’t let him.

“You are supposed to be responsible and check on Erwin’s wellbeing. What if something bad happens to him? You don’t want that to happen, don’t you?” Their tone was more serious contrasting with the joyful one a minute ago. 

Of course no. Levi didn’t want anything bad happening to Erwin. He didn’t want to be a burden or even be a cause of a problem to Erwin. The older man had already too much shit going on. Instead of voicing that thought, Levi stared at Hange. They sighed from the lack of response. They adjusted their stained glasses higher in the bridge of their nose before admitting “You know… if you wish, we can move you to another department and assign you to another patient.” 

No. Levi didn’t know.

When Levi reached Erwin’s apartment, he had the time to think deeply about Hange’s words. Maybe Erwin asked Hange to move him away and that is why they told him that. Levi shook his head; he wouldn’t do that right? Levi sighed, defeated. He couldn’t recall the moment their relationship went from being so close to barely even saying hello to each other and Levi found himself being more annoyed by the situation than he wanted to admit. But the truth is that he did not intend to be late that morning, at least not this late. Last night he was at Farlan’s place. It has been a while since he last saw him, since the trial of the burglary, in fact. He took a turn in his life that even Levi couldn’t even risk following. It was just too hazardous, but Farlan has always been the smartest one between the two of them, the one who knew how to get out of any situation. Levi was confident that he would be fine. When Farlan called yesterday for a beer he didn’t hesitate once. They drank a lot; a lot more than Levi could tolerate. But he didn’t care because he laughed so much that his belly started to hurt and his eyes filled with tears. And for one night it felt like his friends from years ago came back to him. It felt like the time when their sole crime was to skip classes to smoke pot. Last night was fun but the morning after was another story, to get himself out of bed was like dragging a cat to the bath. His head was pounding and his feet were just too heavy. The moment he realized he was late, he took the fastest shower of his life, to his dissatisfaction. When he arrived in front of the building he was disgusted because he was sweating so much. That weather was just hell. Now, standing in front of Erwin’s room he was more hesitant to face him. Especially, after the altercation with shitty glasses nurse a few minutes ago. Levi told himself to grow up and he opened the door slowly as if he didn’t want to wake someone up.

“Hey…” 

“Levi?” 

“Sorry I missed the bus this morning, I had to wait for the second one which took obviously its fucking time to arrive.” Levi explained, talking so fast as if he was upset. He added an exaggerated sigh for good measure. 

“It’s fine. But I didn’t have any partner this morning.” 

Levi stared at Erwin dumbly, processing his words. He slapped himself physically and mentally as soon as it sank in. That is true, today was Erwin’s fitness program, he had classes twice a week, on Monday and Thursday and he was supposed to help him with his exercises routine. Though Levi’s presence wasn’t necessary, the instructor told him that Erwin was more cooperative when Levi was around. 

“Oh fuck…I- I forgot.”

Erwin offered him an understanding smile. “Don’t worry, Hange brought me to class this morning.” And now everything made sense, Hange was waiting for him the whole time, that is why they were wandering in Erwin’s section although, she was with Shadis. It was an ambush. That shitty four-eyes… 

“Why can I not do anything right ?” Levi grabbed a handful of hair in his hand as if he wanted to tear it away from his scalp. 

He just whispered to himself but Erwin’s ears were trained enough and he stilled at Levi’s words. Last thing he knew he heard an abrupt bump against the floor. Something relatively heavy falling. 

“I can’t do shit!” Levi’s voice grew gradually louder until it vibrated against the walls.

“Levi.” Erwin was in appearance calm but he couldn’t help but hunch slightly over at the sound. He knew Levi was impulsive and aggressive but it was the first time he used some kind of violence in front of him.

“Fuck!” Levi kicked and kicked the sofa side, it just wanted to tear away from his body that part of him that makes him do dumb shit, he was just good for nothi-

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice resonated louder than his incessant kicks and Levi stared at Erwin. His face was red and his knuckles so white around his cane. Levi took a look around him, one of the four wood chairs toppled over the floor, a foot missing, and the side of the sofa tore up and slightly bent. Levi’s eyes widen.

“I am not upset but you have to stop that.” Erwin’s words were contrasting with the obvious display of anger in his features.

Levi shook his head. “Sometimes I feel like-” Levi’s throat was burning and he felt like someone was choking him. “Like I shouldn’t be there… at all.” He finished, his red-rimmed eyes fixed on the floor.”

Erwin could understand where his distress came from. He knew that place too, to feel like a weight, a burden. He experienced it every day. Something inside of him dropped when he thought of Levi being in the same place. Erwin would not let him sink deeper. Because he knew, more than anyone else, how dark and lonely that path was.

“Don’t say that.” Erwin followed the sniffing sounds of the younger men and as soon as he was close enough, he dropped his cane.

Levi gaze went up, startled. He found Erwin so close to him and he wondered briefly how he did not notice him approaching. He wanted to say something but he was sure he wouldn’t be able to hear his own voice over the strong pounding in the left side of his ribcage. He saw Erwin’s hand reaching towards him and he just couldn’t move. “I don’t think I could handle one more day without you here.” His warm hand settled gently on Levi’s small shoulder, rubbing slightly until it reached his neck. Levi’s skin melted under his ministration and without even realising, the choking sensation around his neck dissipated. 

Levi felt like he could breathe again after suffocating for so long. He missed Erwin’s touch so much that he didn’t know he could handle to be so close to him again. He closed his eyes, letting the sensation impregnated his body and mind. He sighed appreciatively. “How can you not hate me? How can you-” He tried, his voice faltering.

Levi couldn’t finish because the strength of Erwin’s arms caught him off guard. His face ended up, compressed against the man large and comforting chest. “I don’t hate you. This the further away from how I feel about you.” 

Levi didn’t even know what to respond. He just let himself slump against Erwin’s chest. “I am sorry for my behaviour these last few days.” Erwin whispered against his slightly damp hair “I shouldn’t have reacted like that, not after what happened to you.” 

Levi didn’t trust himself to speak so he just clenched Erwin’s shirt firmly. He didn’t blame him at all. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Erwin asked as Levi guided him through the park, after what happened that morning, they just needed to ease their mind so they went for a walk.

“I don’t know I thought you would lose your shit or something.” Levi’s eyes darted at the people around. Since they left the building he had an uneasy feeling. His hand was clenching and unclenching around Erwin’s forearm.

And if Erwin noticed Levi’s behaviour, he didn’t comment on that. “You should have told me you were sixteen Levi. We shouldn’t have…” 

“The fuck? I am almost eighteen. Whoever told you that?” Levi gazed up at Erwin, a frown forming between his fine eyebrows. 

“Hange did.” Levi rolled his eyes. Of fucking course. 

“They lied.” Levi spat. 

“It doesn’t matter. You are still underage and it is not right.” Erwin’s lips pursed. It took him a long time to accept the situation and he would not waver now.

“It is not fair.” Levi turned his gaze away. 

“It would not be fair to you.” Erwin said, tone even and mechanical as if he repeated those words hundreds of times in his head. 

“I don’t know why it matters so much. You would be fifty, missing a limb, I wouldn’t give a fuck”

“Levi…” Erwin let out a slight laugh. 

“It is true.”

“I just want the best for you.” 

“I know.” Levi’s hand slipped down and rested on Erwin’s bigger one. Erwin hold it tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chap finally sorry I took longer than expected !  
> But the good news is that I finished writing my summer dissertation so I have more time to write now. ^^


	5. Chapter 5

The light mood of the old days resurfaced slowly while the recent intrusive tension faded little by little. There was still a certain hesitation in little touches, though there were scarce and often complemented by rosy cheeks and a fluttering heart. At least, Levi’s outrageous mouth was back and the younger man felt safe and comfortable enough to speak freely his mind again. So he threw shamelessly crude comebacks and tasteless jokes into animated conversations. To Erwin’s greatest pleasure. This particular characteristic of Levi’s personality to be so free and liberated about speaking his mind, fascinated Erwin greatly and each day he would discover something new about the young man, such as how Levi likes his tea, how he never learned to bike or and that he has never seen the deep blue of the ocean. The harsh tension was gone but it let place to another kind of tension, less suffocating but still extremely concerning. It manifested especially when flesh touching was involved. Indeed, each time the younger man came too close to Erwin, it sprung something strong and overwhelming inside of him and each time it became more intense. Erwin asked himself if Levi could have discerned it. On one hand, Erwin was sure that Levi wasn’t doing that purposely, and on the other hand, he thought that the smaller man was more than aware of the effect he has on Erwin. Either way, Erwin felt stuck, because the last thing he wanted was to upset Levi, now that things were becoming more or less normal between them. So he kept is discomfort to himself. 

“Do you need to take a shit?” Levi asked, annoyed.

Erwin didn’t know that his posture could be stiffer. He was startled because he was convinced that Levi was deep in his slumber. At first, they were sitting at a fair distance from each other, Levi supposedly playing a game on his phone and Erwin practising braille as usual. At some point, Erwin felt a form getting closer to him, the scent of musky skin attacking his nose in the most delicious way. He tried to feign indifference, to make it looked like his body wasn’t tickling with apprehension when he felt Levi against him. It didn’t help that Levi’s head fell into his shoulder later on.

“Are you awake?” That was the stupidest question Erwin could ask at that moment and he was really aware of that.

“I was never asleep.” Levi would lie to himself if he denied that he craved Erwin’s warm and tender embrace. Being physically close to him help him a lot in lowering his obsessive thoughts about uncertain future and inevitable farewell. In all honesty, he would find any excuses if it meant that he could be secure in his arms again, despite Erwin’s tacit reluctance to reciprocate the gesture. Levi acted, thinking he was doing something harmless. But sensing the whole rigidity emitting from Erwin’s limbs he had to say something to ease the stiffness. 

“Oh.” Erwin’s brain has been completely off since Levi supposedly fall asleep on his shoulder.

“I can move if you want…” Levi wasn’t completely an asshole. If Erwin was uncomfortable with the closeness, he would let him his space. 

“No. I don’t want that.” Erwin uttered quickly. Levi was in the middle of moving away, but he let his head fall again in the crook of Erwin’s broad shoulder.

“Ok.”

Levi settled comfortably again and he nuzzled his head contentedly. He exhaled softly, eyes momentarily closing at the sound of pit pat against the window, pulling him into sleep. That day, they decided to stay inside because the weather was moody and gloomy, shaking branches and soaking anyone who dared to venture outside. It has been that way since the first hours of daylight, so after Erwin’s appointment with the ophthalmologist, they went back to Erwin’s apartment. What came out of the appointment was simple and unequivocal; Erwin’s view was completely and utterly dark, as the cataract situated behind the iris inside his eyes was opaque and not cloudy like it has been a few weeks ago. Now that the lens was obscured by the disease, no light could reflect through it and consequently, he could not even perceive a blur anymore. The doctor divulged to him that there was nothing they could do to help him restore his sight and that the idea of seeing again was close to impossible. But at least his eyes were healthy, as healthy as they can be with the disease. Erwin listened attentively to the doctor’s speech without even batting an eye. Levi knew about Erwin’s ability to pass for a marble statue but it was fairly alarming when his sole reaction was to nod slightly and thank the doctor for after such a revelation. Levi even noticed the uneasy glances that the eye specialist gave to Erwin. It was clear that he wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction or rather lack of reaction after dropping something like that. However, he didn’t comment on it and provided Erwin with a new prescribed bottle of red pills for his headaches and that was the end of it. Though he couldn’t really see it through Erwin’s thick mask, Levi sensed that Erwin’s spirit was a little down after the visit. He didn’t argue when Erwin told him he wanted to go back to his room. 

Levi opened his eyes again slowly, eyes lazily scanning around him. “Are you going to stay here?”

Erwin wasn’t expecting that question and he had to give himself sometimes before he could think of a proper answer. “For now, I am good here.” 

“Don’t you want to go back to your place?” It is not that Levi didn’t like the centre but he would not stay if it wasn’t mandatory. 

“My place is not mine anymore.” Erwin caressed the hard pages of his book, his mind wandering in another time. 

“What do you mean?” Levi’s ears were straining to wait for the whole story behind Erwin’s intriguing tone. 

Erwin chuckled lightly before saying, “I gave it to my ex-fiancée.”

“That bitch?” Levi gasped. He couldn’t believe it. Erwin only talked furtively about her but what he said was enough to make his inside boiled at her mention. 

“Levi…” Erwin’s tone was intimidating near threatening and Levi realised what he had just said. 

“I meant that woman?”

“Don’t ever call her like that again. It is not ok Levi. Besides, she is a good woman and had every right to leave if she wanted.” 

“Still…Just because you couldn’t see anymore, she left you? I am sorry Erwin if I cannot think she is a good woman.”

“We had… other issues besides that and the situation just worsened.”

“Still a shitty excuse.” If he was Erwin, he would not give her shit. 

“Anyway, I gave it to her and that was the least I could do. Moreover, the apartment is not at all suitable for my condition.” Erwin said those words with a finality, an indication that he was done with the subject. 

Levi rolled his eyes but he didn’t argue more on that. “I wish I could live by myself. But my shitty uncle is in charge of me and I cannot move until I am at least eighteen.” He said playing with the strings of his ripped jeans.

“When will you be eighteen?” Erwin turned towards Levi, his nose inhaling the sweet scent of his hair instinctively.

“In few months. December.” Levi answered, bothered. 

“It is not so far away. You have to be patient.”

“It doesn’t matter because I have no fucking money.” Levi huffed bitterly before adding “Moreover, do you know any sane person who would want to work with a thief? Me neither.” 

“It is sure that the situation is quite delicate but you are still young and you also have to prove your motivation to reintegrate.” 

“How?” Levi was all ears. 

“The first step is to stop breaking the law.” Erwin said an affectionate smile curving his lips, mouth caressing Levi’s silky locks. 

“Yeah, right.” Levi breathed, leaning more onto Erwin’s touch. 

The softness of Levi’s hair distracted Erwin briefly before he remembered the question he had in mind. “Is there something you want to do particularly?”

“This is stupid.” Levi muttered, his cheeks already on fire by the upcoming embarrassment and maybe because Erwin’s lips were pressed into his head. 

“I am not going to judge you.” Erwin told him seriously. But Levi’s body still shrank to make himself disappear and Erwin’s inside became weak and soft. 

“What I know is that you gonna make fun of me like a dick.” Levi snorted.

“Of course no Levi.” 

“Ok.” Levi thought a moment. “Since I was young, I always wanted to be helpful to people, to be someone useful. And you know all these TV shows about cops kicking asses of bad people and saving lives? I just wanted to do the same.” Levi was all scarlet cheeks and hands fidgeting. Though Erwin couldn’t see his face, he just wanted to hide in a hole. And the fact that Erwin stayed silent for long seconds didn’t help either. 

“Forget about it. You must think I am fucking ridiculous. I know” Levi was aware that he sounded dumb because he was literally the opposite of a policeman. 

“I don’t think you are ridiculous... It was just rather unexpected. but I know you can do it if you want Levi.” There was no ounce of lie or sneer in his voice. 

“I am not sure that is even possible for me.” Levi sighed because Erwin was probably the only one in this planet who believed he could do anything.

Erwin's hands searched for Levi’s face and when he found it, he let them rest on his burning cheeks. Levi’s eyes directly found his and he marvelled at how clear and blue his irises were. “I am not saying it won’t be challenging and difficult. But if you don’t even give a try you will never know.” Erwin’s words floated above Levi’s head. That night, comfortably settled into his small and hard bed, he thought that maybe he wasn’t so ridiculous after all. 

“Breathe.” The instructor ordered. Erwin is not used to having thoughts like these, but if he could see him, he would smack him in the face. He couldn’t breathe. 

“Take it slow” Erwin half-heard him so much his heart hammered, his heavy limbs spreading on the mat. The instructor hadn’t been nice on him this session and Erwin’s body hurt so much. The exercises weren’t as difficult as what he used to do before losing his vision. But the fact that he couldn’t see a thing made everything more challenging. That morning, the instructor mixed a lot of different exercises to make a complicated routine. It went from running on a treadmill, passing by weight lift to doing yoga poses. He was actually on the last phase, trying in vain to lift a leg up straight, he just hasn’t any strength left. 

“Slowly Erwin. We don’t want to make fast movements and strain a muscle or damage more your vision, if possible.” The coach said light-heartedly, helping Erwin lift his leg up. Erwin’s expression stayed impassive and Levi snorted. 

“Why won’t you try Levi?” The instructor turned towards the boy who was sitting on a mat near. Sometimes Levi would participate and play some games with Erwin. 

“Me?” Levi’s smirk disappeared quickly. But he was never involved when it concerned placing hands on his body. 

“Yes. Come and take my position” The coach left the mat and Levi knelt in front of Erwin spread legs. Levi swallowed hard. 

“Take his left leg and raise it up.” Levi grabbed the leg and made a noise.

“Is it too heavy Levi?” Erwin asked, concerned. 

Levi’s face was crimson first because as soon as he left it up he saw Erwin’s short tighten around his visible manhood and second because yes, Erwin was heavy “Not at all.” he scoffed, trying to keep his breathing even. 

“Now Levi, push his leg towards his chest gently.” Levi tried to calm himself before doing what the coach instructed. He leaned towards Erwin’s chest, keeping his leg straight. Erwin was surprisingly flexible for an old man. Levi found himself little by little closer to Erwin’s bulge. He looked everywhere else but there. 

“How does it feel Erwin? Good isn’t it?” the enthusiastic instructor asked.

“Yes.” Erwin exhaled and Levi huffed. 

“Don’t enjoy that too much.” Levi threatened without venom. 

Erwin chuckled. He actually enjoyed that very much. The instructor observed the small exchange completely clueless. “Levi you can switch legs.” Levi did exactly the same thing with Erwin’s right leg. “You are doing a great job, Levi!” The instructor praised. “You are not planning to steal my job right?” The instructor emphasized the word “steal”, a dumb smile playing on his lips. Levi just threw him an icy glare.

“And I am sure you are not!” He clapped, before adding, “Ok, Good. guys, that is enough for today.” 

Levi let out a sigh of relief before he helped Erwin on his feet. 

“Thank you, Coach Berner.” Erwin said as Levi offered him his cane.

“No worries Erwin. See you next time!” 

“I think we deserved a good pizza after all these efforts. I am done with that shitty cafeteria food.” Levi spat, walking next to Erwin into the centre’s corridors.

“Yes. Of course.” Erwin laughed slightly. He couldn’t say he didn’t agree with the smaller man. 

They were arguing on what kind of pizza they would order when they arrived near Erwin’s apartment. “Are you fucking kidding me, Erwin? Pizza with pineapple is repulsive. I am not eating that shit!

“It’s not that bad. You should give a try Levi.” How could Levi know it is disgusting if he had never tried? 

“No thanks, I would rather eat dog sh-” Levi’s words faded and he stilled.

“What is it, Levi?” Erwin asked confused about Levi’s sudden silence. 

“Erwin?” A small voice emerged from nowhere and Erwin jumped a little because he was expecting anyone else. But when Erwin recognized the voice, his face settled in hard lines.

“Marie.” Erwin acknowledged. Levi’s eyes widened and he took the time to scrutinized her from head to toe. It wasn’t quite what he had imagined but it was close enough. The older women carried herself with dignity, chin high and posture straight. She was wearing a flowing sunflower colour dress which complimented her tan and her long auburn curls, sunglasses perched on her head and what Levi assumed was designer bag hanging from the crook of her thin arm. But when she shifted the navy oversized bag in front of her to her side, Levi saw a belly the size of a soccer ball. Levi stopped breathing suddenly.

“I need to talk to you Erwin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still amazed that people are reading my fics. I am far from being the best writer but it still makes me happy. Thank you. ^^


	6. Chapter 6

Levi’s whole body was jittery, his hands were restless, his legs were bouncing and he told himself that he shouldn’t put himself into such a state. But he couldn’t, Marie’s arrival was like a meteorite hitting the earth, unexpected and destroying his mere hope of being more to Erwin than just a fucking sitter. He was even wondering how he could think of competing with her in the first place. Actually, it was easy to imagine that when she was out of sight, a distant souvenir in Erwin’s brain, a fading past. Now, the only thing in Levi’s mind was her well-rounded belly.

“What’s on your mind buddy?” Levi heard behind him and he was relieved from his tormenting thoughts. At least, for an instant. 

“Nothing.” The last thing he wanted was to explain the whole mess going on in his head. He purposely tensed, not even bothering facing the redhead woman. But she was not easily defeated and she wheeled her way next to him, his silent rejection disregarded. She stayed quiet and Levi was relieved for her silence. Levi still ignored her as he searched his phone, in his pocket and sighed. It has been almost an hour since Erwin sent him away. He told him to wait in the common room. He couldn’t forget the weak smile Erwin offered him before he locked himself in the room with her. A supposedly reassuring smile that just made Levi felt the opposite. 

Levi’s eyes were drawn to the frenetic movements of the redhead girl and his gaze felt into the plush animal she was tightly hugging against her stomach. Petra followed Levi’s eyes.  
“Isn’t it cute? Oruo won this for me at the fair.” She answered the silent question, eyes lightning with stars at the mention of her boyfriend. 

Levi’s eyebrow jumped “The fair?” 

“Yes, the summer fair. Have you been there already? It’s really fun.” Actually, Levi was never really fond of crowded places, especially those full of sugar-driven brats and alcohol-impregnated grandpas. But in the corner of his mind, he remembered a delicate hand offering him mint-savoured ice cream and leading him into the flashy and noisy rides. The memory wasn’t so atrocious, he remembered being in awe but then again it was a long time ago.

“Not yet… Are you allowed to go there? What about Oruo?” 

“Yes we can of course! You just need an authorization, but not everyone can have it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know… They say; if you are not fit to venture outside you shouldn’t do it.”

“But, I and Erwin always walk to the park nearby. It shouldn’t be a problem to go to that stupid fair right?” Levi snorted. If Erwin can wander in a park, he can wander in a fair. Is it pure logic. He could still use his legs.

“Yes I know but don’t forget that Erwin’s situation is different from mine or Oruo’s. It is kinda more complicated.” 

“I am sure he will be fine. Who should I ask?” Erwin really needed to go out of the centre more, if not he feared he might merge with his furniture.

“Hange is Erwin’s nurse, right? You can ask them.” 

“Fucking great…” Levi’s eyes rolled. Oh, the nightmare. Hange would never accept for sure.

Petra chuckled lightly. “I saw that the two of you or not in good terms right?” Levi huffed. “Well, if you don’t ask them you won’t be able to do it.” 

“To do what?” Levi jumped, scared by Erwin’s baritone voice. He turned around and noticed that the man was alone. 

“I will see you later.” Petra’s hands were on her wheels, ready to depart. “See you, Erwin.” 

“See you Petra.” Erwin acknowledged her and when she was far enough Levi began his investigation. 

“Where is she?” He blurted out.

“She left.” 

“What did she want?” Levi is aware it is not his place to ask anything, but he has been elaborating all kind of scenarios in his head for the past hour. He told himself he would respect Erwin’s privacy but when he appeared out of nowhere with his face flushed and set in hard lines, he needed some answers. 

Erwin’s eyebrows pressed together in a frown. “Nothing worth mentioning.” That Levi could translate as mind your own business. Levi’s shoulder fell, demonstrating his miserable and failed first attempt. It was the clear indication that Erwin had no intention to tell him shit. Levi let it go, for now. 

“Should we go back?” Levi might try to collect more information when they would be out of everyone’s sight.

“I need to rest a bit.” 

“Oh ok. I am not against a nap.” It has been a roller-coaster of emotions since this morning. Levi would lie if he said he didn’t feel drained. 

“I mean... alone.” Erwin said carefully

“Oh. Ok, I will wait here then.” Levi drawled. He gazed around and noticed that the common room was not completely empty. Moreover, Petra was still there so she might keep him company during Erwin’s nap.

“No, you don’t have to… In fact, you can go if you want.” Levi looked at the oversized white numbers on his phone's screen. He frowned and gazed back at Erwin. He had still four hours left. 

“It is too early. Do you want Hange to kill me?” Levi tried because, in reality, he didn’t care the least about Hange’s repercussion. He just wanted to stay. 

Erwin let out a chuckle. He considered Levi’s words before saying “I will make sure she won’t know.” And he added, in a more insistent tone. “Just for today Levi. Please.” 

And how could Levi refuse his request when Erwin looked like that? Eyes looking down as if he wished to avoid gazing at Levi, shoulders sagging and a voice too small for a man his size. 

“Tchh Erwin, you are such an old man.” It snatched the tiniest curve on Erwin’s mouth and Levi's heart was more at ease for a moment.

“Thank you, Levi, see you tomorrow.”

When Levi left the centre, he felt the need to light up his old-time companion, ashes spreading all over his worn out shoes but he didn’t care. He inhaled the smoke deeply, the burn in his lungs the best therapy. He let the cigarette hanging in the corner of his mouth as he dragged himself to the bus station. 

Completely immersed in his thoughts he didn’t notice the other figure heading straight towards him and before he could even see it, a man collided with him, hitting against his shoulder, the shock made Levi gasp and his cigarette fell on the floor. Levi cussed.

Levi turned immediately towards the fool. “You piece of shit! You cannot see where you are going?” Levi’s face boiled and it was the fucking icing on top of a shitty cake. He had already enough to deal with today, without a fucking idiot crashing into him and knocking his precious cigarettes. He would show that man how to look in front of him when walking. The man turned around a few meters away and glared at Levi, challenging him to come closer. There was something off about that man but Levi couldn’t pinpoint what it was. The man was dead silent and it unsettled Levi slightly. He remained still as if he was waiting for something. Further away, Levi could hear the sounds signalling that the bus’s doors were closing imminently. “You are fucking lucky!” He shouted before he sprinted as fast as possible towards the departing bus, almost making himself hit in the process as he threw himself in front of the gigantic machine. The bus driver didn’t hesitate to reprimand him as Levi made his way towards an empty sit. Levi didn’t notice that the man was still observing him until the vehicle was too far away.

The next day, Levi arrived a little bit earlier to Hange’s surprise.

“Woow Ackerman you shouldn’t be here already.” Hange said, exaggerating their features as always. Levi was getting used to seeing all the distortions their face could create. 

“I need to ask you something.” Levi used his most likeable tone.

They massaged their chin, looking up. “Oh, and what do you need? New furniture to destroy?” They replied, unimpressed.

Ouch. Levi forgot about the incident. “I –I will pay for it.” Levi didn’t know how but he would find the money. 

“No need. Erwin took care of that already.” They started walking ahead and Levi followed shortly. 

“I am sorry ok? But I need the authorization to take Erwin outside.” 

“Where?” Hange asked half interested, busy looking at some patient’s papers. 

“To the fair.” 

“Impossible.” Hange’s steps halted suddenly.

“Why?” Levi froze. 

“Are you completely out of your mind? The fair is the last place I would take Erwin this is too noisy. He will feel completely overwhelmed! And what about his headaches? Moreover, he is still not good with orientation. It is too dangerous.” They looked at Levi straight in the eyes, not an ounce of humour in their expression.

“How do you want him to improve if he never put a foot outside beside in this stupid park? And I will be there to guide him.” Levi tried his best to not elevate his voice but his self-discipline was diminishing slowly as the conversation went on. 

“Levi you are not fitted nor trained for that kind of exercise!” They pointed their finger in his face, accusatory.

“Bullshit You don’t need a shitty training for that! Petra went there alone with Oruo!” At this point, Levi just wanted to tear their head off. 

The nurse looked like they were caught off guard for a second before they recovered and dropped a difficult truth. “You proved times and times again that you were anything but reliable Levi.” The younger man’s jaw dropped at the realization and Levi wanted to reply, but his words were nowhere to be found. Hange was heading towards the end of the corridor when they stated “It is what it is Levi. Don’t argue with me on that.”

Now, it was Levi’s turn to be cranky and moody. And, because the raven-haired boy was the least subtle person on earth, Erwin noticed right away. 

“What is it Levi?” 

Levi's legs stopped bouncing and that was when he noticed this anxious habit. “Nothing.” 

“You know you can tell me anything.” Erwin offered.

“I am not going to tell you shit. Don’t even try old man.” Erwin was not the only person that could have secrets. He was big enough to deal with his own problems whether Erwin liked it or not. 

Erwin chuckled, knowing clearly why Levi was reacting that way. He didn’t blame him because Erwin was the one that started that game. The blond man was thinking hard about something to make up for his past behaviours when it hit him. “Well, I know what we need right now.” 

Levi’s gaze travelled to Erwin and he wondered what was that old man doing as he watched Erwin move into the little space, going straight to the wood furniture against the creamy wall, in front of them. 

Erwin patted silently the surface until he found what he was looking for and after some manipulation, light notes of a piano could be heard. 

Levi sighed. He was not in the mood at all. “I am not doing that Erwin.” The last and only time they danced together, Levi’s awkwardness was strong because it felt so intimate and out of place. At that time, he couldn’t fully comprehend the scope of his feelings and he remembered that his chest hurt so much but he didn’t know why. 

“Come on” Erwin stretched out his hand. His eyes, a generally dull blue, lightened to the colour of the summer sky. 

Erwin wasn’t enthusiastic about a lot of things and seeing him so lively made Levi want to punch anyone who would dare to crush that expression. He couldn’t have refused Erwin, not when his smile reached his eyes like that. 

“Just one.” He insisted because he didn’t know what could happen if their bodies stayed pressed for too long.

“Sure.” There was not a lot of conviction in Erwin’s tone but Levi accepted nonetheless. His hand reached out for Erwin’s and soon enough the two males were moving to the pace of the music. Levi’s face against Erwin’s broad chest and Erwin’s cheek laying on his silky crown. Though the song was a lovely tune, there was something utterly melancholic about it. Levi felt carried away by the melody and the sound of Erwin's singing voice. He whispered each word as if he knew them all his life and Levi’s eyes closed because his chest began to hurt again. The difference now was that he knew why it hurt so much.

They were in de middle of the third song when Erwin finally confessed. “I thought she was the one.” Levi heard in a murmur and something sank inside of him. 

“I thought that I would end up my life with her, that she would be the one to carry my children, the one that I would share my happiness, sadness, accomplishments, failures… She was my everything.” It was painful to hear that she was so special to Erwin, painful to hear the lump in his throat, painful to hear the regrets in his words.

And all over again that suffocating sensation took Levi like a storm and he needed to push Erwin away. But before he could even do that, he felt the embrace tightened around him.

“When she told me she was pregnant, it was like the realization that all I had built with her was completely and definitely gone.” She cried. A lot. As if the realization hit her also. The only thing Erwin could do was to offer her his shoulder for sole consolation. It had been nearly a year since they have been together and Erwin would lie if the revelation didn’t sting a bit. 

“It’s a girl” Erwin’s face brightened up. He was sure she would be the most adored and cherished little girl. Levi bit his lip, the raw and open emotion in Erwin’s voice punching him in the guts.

“I loved her so much.” If anyone has ever felt their heart torn off their ribcage, thrown away on a concrete floor and trampled mercilessly, Levi could relate at that exact moment. It became harder to breathe and Levi had no choice but to push Erwin away. 

He felt like the worst asshole and so so young but he had to ask. “Do you still love her?” He crossed his arms over his chest, bracing for the answer. Answer that he knew deep down. He still needed to hear it out loud. 

The seconds went too long for his taste and Levi regretted to even ask the question. The way he talked about her, he longed for her. Maybe, he was waiting here for her to come back this whole time. It was obvious that Erwin was still in lo-

“The person I love has the weirdest tastes. He hates pineapple pizzas but loves loud techno music and wears ripped jeans and leather jacket during summer time.” Levi glanced incredulously at Erwin. “The way he snorts at toilet jokes is so endearing. He sure is small but his presence is so strong. He is intrepid, brave and sometimes, no, a lot of time really stubborn.” Erwin’s lips were curving as he described that person, eyes shining with affection.

“He went through so much, but he still carries hope and kindness in his heart. I wonder sometimes how someone can be so resilient. He is truly the most amazing person I have ever met.” Erwin professed, his eyes a bit glassier and brighter than before. 

Levi couldn’t look at Erwin anymore, and he felt the need to hide behind his dark bang. Erwin wasn’t aware of Levi’s state until he heard the sounds of a light sniff. It had been years since it last happened, but Levi had no energy to fight the threatening wetness in his eyes.

Erwin’s whole aura changed suddenly and the eagerness in his voice faded as he went on “I love him so much…But I can’t be with him, at least for now.” 

“You are so fucking stupid…” Levi snorted and Erwin’s heart melted a little more. 

“I know.” He hid his burning face in his hand. 

“Fuck Erwin. I don’t know if I can wait any longer.” He didn’t expect for Erwin to bend on one knee and to promise Levi an eternity of faithfulness and love. No, Levi was not asking for much, he just wanted to be able to show him, how much he made his inside torn apart painfully. How much his skin burnt at the thought of his body close to him. How much he ached to be touched, to be owned by him.

Erwin’s mouth went slack and his eyes widened. He gave Levi a weak knowing smile because, at the end of the day, he was just in the same situation. Despite how much Erwin told himself that it was bad, that he shouldn’t feel this way about Levi, he wanted him as much. And he felt utterly and completely ashamed about it. Though he had never seen the younger man, he felt attracted to him like a magnet and Erwin wondered how long he would be able to fight it without going crazy. 

And that is at this moment that Erwin made his decision. 

“I don’t know if I can wait too.”


	7. Chapter 7

As his lips travelled the thin neck, he could trace back the journey of the younger man. Each kiss on the skin revealed something, the rain that poured over his body, the sweat due to the stifling heat, the earthy smell of the garden he passed by to come to the centre. But there was always, this perfume that followed him and Erwin was drawn once again by the natural smell of his skin, bittersweet and exquisite. Erwin touched it, licked it, owned it and Levi wriggled under the ministration of his full lips, purring in ecstasy like a stray cat. He felt fingers grasping at his hair pulling gently. Levi’s stretched his neck wider, an invitation to devour more of him. He exhaled contently.

Erwin’s mouth was marking him unconsciously, sucking patches of skin, not aware that it was colouring, encouraged by Levi’s whimpers. His hands, though, were less efficient, he had one laying on Levi’s stomach and the other still pressed against his own body. The raven-haired grew frustrated by the lack of action in his lower body parts quickly and he showed his dissatisfaction by how he vigorously gripped the hand laying on his stomach. He massaged it with a thumb, sending a faint signal not insisting just telling. Erwin’s lips left his neck. 

“What?” Levi murmured his warm breath tickling Erwin's nose, his thumb still making light circles on the blond man. Erwin sighed, his mind playing with him. And if all this was just a big mistake? 

“Hey” Levi’s insisting tone discarded the second thoughts clouding his mind. He felt the rawness of a small palm on his cheek, the touch feeling oddly soft. He wished his heart wasn’t so loud in his own ears. Erwin let out a shudder. His mind more at ease by the presence next to him. He leaned into Levi’s hand, kissing the palm. He felt the press of a warm forehead against his own. “It will be ok,” Levi assured softly. Was it that easy to read through his mind? He remembered a time where decoding his feelings was like an imperfect puzzle for anyone, always missing a piece or not knowing where it fitted. But with Levi, it felt like he could find back all the scattered pieces and place them back where they belonged. It scared him and comforted at the same time. Erwin nodded slightly, silently thanking him for being the strength he needed. 

Thin chapped lips laid on his then. Not moving just there. Erwin’s heart was too loud again and he could feel electrons going through every fibre of his being. It intensified when they moved, searching good angles and corners. Erwin reciprocated, giving him his answers in the form of wet lips and unsteady breath. Levi invited him in the warmth of his moist cavern with the tip of his tongue and Erwin accepted with vigour. Their tongues danced together as if they were mimicking a tango. The taste of the younger male's mouth was intoxicating, Erwin found himself wanting to taste more of him. After a while, Levi pulled his face away, his breathing shallow in Erwin’s ears. And before Erwin could ask him what’s going on, he felt assured palms pushing on his wide shoulders, until his back hit against the sofa. His legs were soon caged by surprisingly strong thighs. The whole aura of the body on him changed, and it made Erwin’s blood rushed through the responsive region between his legs. Erwin’s lips dried. 

“I am going to take care of you.” Levi’s low and dangerous voice caressed the sensitive skin of his lobe and Erwin’s legs became like jelly. A hot and wet organ caressed his lobe, licking, biting the soft skin. Erwin decided that he felt comfortable enough to give back and that he wanted the younger man to feel good too. The blond placed his hands on Levi’s thin waist, playing with the hem of his shirt, teasing the skin with his thumbs until he had enough of it being a barrier against the flesh he dreamed to touch. Levi helped him to remove the garment. When he was done, the raven-haired man indicated him that he was finally bare as he placed Erwin’s large and moist palms on his shivering skin.

“Oh” Erwin breathed because it was the first time he discovered Levi like that, all texture and softness. The large palms travelled up in his chest and he fell onto bumps and rawer skin, the flesh unexpectedly marked for his young age. But still, his fingertips ghosted over the skin as if it was made of the finesse porcelain. Levi’s heart was racing against his palms and Erwin decided that it was his favourite tune. Levi gasped when Erwin thumbed a nipple. It was so small, smaller than his own, the texture velvety and inviting. It grew harder under Erwin’s care and he wondered vaguely if it tasted as good as it felt. He didn’t wonder long because he lunged towards the small and hard button, his full lips enveloping it. Levi screamed but his voice was muffled as if covered by a hand. Levi was bracing himself with an arm over Erwin’s shoulder as the older man sucked on the tiny jewel. The thought of the nipple becoming a bloody red made Erwin groaned. As he moved to the twin button, he felt Levi’s pelvis moving dangerously close to his. 

“Oh my god.” Erwin’s voice grew an octave when the contact between their thighs was made. He saw stars. 

“Yes Erwin.” Levi breathed before claiming Erwin’s mouth back. But this time, his whole body was kissing Erwin with hard and frantic movements. The delicious frictions between their clothed erections making Erwin’s mind go blank, and he responded by moving his hips eagerly. Only driven by pure animalistic instincts, ready to finish right there in his pants. 

Fortunately, or not, Levi backed off enough to manipulate Erwin’s jeans open. “I want to touch you there.” He mouthed against the blond’s lips and Erwin hummed approvingly. He wanted Levi to touch him there too and his cheeks burned of embarrassment because of how much he thought about this scenario.

“Oh fuck.” The younger man exhaled at the generous sight. Erwin was still covered by his boxer but the cotton fabric was thin enough to divulge the blond’s size. “This is big.” Levi declared deadpan and Erwin’s cheeks burned harder. 

“You don’t have to…” Erwin told him in references to their earlier talk a few days ago. After Erwin confessed, they had a talk about what they would and wouldn’t do. They had an awkward and uncomfortable conversation about their past experiences that was painfully embarrassing. But it was necessary if they wanted this thing they had to work out. Surprisingly, Levi was less self-conscious in revealing stories about his past encounters than Erwin. He told him about how he lost his virginity and how many boys he slept with and what he did with them minutely. Erwin had to stop him when he went through too many intimate details. He was certainly shocked by Levi’s impressive knowledge and experience about sex. Because in his younger days, he sure had experimental phases but he didn’t even kiss until he was sixteen.

Levi was clear about one thing he wanted to sleep with Erwin and he told him unambiguously. The older man had to wait for his heart to calm down before he told him assertively that it was not an option until at least Levi’s eighteenth birthday. Levi protested but Erwin stood his ground. But Levi had another trick up his sleeve. Erwin accepted that they could kiss, so Levi told him he wanted to kiss his dick. Erwin chocked on his glass of water but he didn’t protest that. 

“I want to.” Levi told him seriously. Erwin had difficulties to swallow suddenly, he nodded giving him his consent. Levi palmed the growing bulge through the fabric and Erwin grimaced. Levi planted soft kisses in his face to soften the hard lines of his expression. 

“Oh Levi.” It was an explosion of colours in his dark world when he felt the hot and soft skin on his manhood. Levi moaned with the fondness in Erwin’s tone. Levi’s fingers covered the length but because they were too short, he had to use both hands. He fondled the length first with slow strokes until it grew harder. 

“Do you like that Erwin?” Levi’s sultry voice added to the experience and Erwin could only reply with a deep groan. Levi went up and down, sometimes leisurely, sometimes frantically and it made Erwin ached so much. He felt something wet and warm against the sensitive tip that made him arch his back hastily.

“Levi…” He couldn’t talk because the sensation between his leg was amazing. He felt hot lips circling him, sucking languorously at his tip and he couldn’t breathe anymore. It has been so long and the fact that all his senses were tenfold made that he had difficulties to deal with all these emotions. “Levi I am gonna…Ah.” The lips sank difficultly around the width of his girth. One of Levi’s hand encircled the base of the length, where a forest of bronze hair grew. Erwin felt Levi’s cheeks hollowing and he had to grab a fist of his hair. Erwin’s whole body was shaking and he tried hard not push the younger male head down. Levi was only able to swallow half of Erwin’s length, he was just too big and he didn’t thrust his gag reflex yet. Levi shut his eyes tightly, breathing hard by his nose, a mixture of precome and saliva in the corner of his mouth. 

“Levi…” Erwin whispered desperate for release and that was all he took for Levi to regain his strength. He began to bob his head up and down hard, one hand stroking at the unattainable expanse of skin. The mixture at the corner of his mouth slipped through the hard and swollen pole, helping with the friction. Erwin was a mess, all flushed and sensitive, his eyes were tightened and his mouth went slack, allowing embarrassing moans to leave his mouth. This, coupled with the wet bobbing sounds of Levi’s skilled mouth made an obscene melody.

Erwin didn’t last long.

It took the expert twirl of a hot tongue to send him over the edge and he couldn’t even prepare Levi for it because it crushed him like an unexpected wave. The only indication that Levi had, was the tightening grip in his hair. Erwin let out a guttural growl before he spent himself in the younger's mouth. Levi chocked on the white liquid. 

Erwin’s breathing was shallow when he asked him. “Are you ok Levi?” He tried to reach him out with a hand but Levi’s was nowhere to be found. “Levi?”

“I am here Erwin. Don’t worry.” Erwin turned towards the voice, Levi was positioned a few steps away from him. The blond man heard the fly of a zipper and something falling on the floor with a bump. 

“Are you ok? I am sorry I didn’t tell you-” He could not finish because a mouth crashed on his and his thighs were heavy again. Levi kissed him hard and Erwin could taste himself on his lips. Levi placed Erwin’s hands back on his body and that is when he realised that the younger man was completely bare. 

“Touch me please.” Levi whispered against his mouth, the urge in his voice betraying his desire for his own release. But Erwin just stopped the kiss. 

“Wait Levi.” Erwin felt Levi stiffen.

Erwin smiled before saying. “Show me what you look like first.” Levi threw him a curious glance that Erwin could feel. Levi wasn’t really ashamed of nudity; he was literally butt naked on Erwin’s laps. But he knew what it implied when the blonde asked to see him and weirdly it felt more intimate than anything he ever did. Levi sat back and sighed and after a moment, he got up. He grabbed Erwin by the arm, nudging him to stand up. Once he did, Levi put Erwin’s large hands on his small tense shoulders. Erwin’s hand travelled north, finding his face first. Levi sighed again because Erwin knew his face already but he let him do as he wanted. Erwin felt his features, his forehead, his thin eyebrows, his button nose, he has always found his nose so endearing. He placed a small kiss there before, he found his small and pointy ears, Erwin followed the shape and then he noticed that his hair grew when he felt it there. He then passed over the small mouth, swelling from all the kissing. Erwin couldn’t resist and leaned in to give Levi a chaste kiss. Levi snorted because it felt ridiculous after what they just did.

“What are you doing?” Levi chuckled lightly. 

“Shh.” Erwin’s hands went south, he had to kneel in front of Levi for the sake of his back. He caressed his arms while giving light pecks on his entire torso and belly. His fingertips passed over the length of his legs, Erwin was surprised by their thinness and the lack of hair in them. He inhaled before he commanded him to turn around. Levi threw him a questioning glance again, before doing as he was told. Erwin’s hands fell onto Levi’s shoulders, he palmed it and explored the expansion of his back, there again he could feel bones. Levi was thin but he still had light muscles definition. There were also scars there, small bumps spreading all over his back. They were different from those in the front, Erwin realised it was the remnants of bad acne. he planted small kisses there too. “You are beautiful.” Levi’s whole body was tense but after those words, he relaxed a little. Erwin kissed him until he reached the curves at the end of his back. 

Erwin palmed the round and tight skin and he tried to suppress that urge going through his body. He felt himself becoming hard again at the thought of feeling the tight ass against his pelvis. Erwin pulled himself back together, he thought that if he released before touching Levi, it would be easier to control his urge. It was harder than he thought. Erwin distracted himself by playing with one the cheek by giving light bites. He was successful in making Levi gasped either way. As he mouthed the soft skin, Erwin’s hands wandered into Levi’s front, feeling the light dust of coerced hair before he found what he was looking for. Levi was half hard, his length screaming to stand up, painfully waiting for attention. Erwin would give all the attention he needed. He only gave him a few tugs before Levi became a moaning mess. He was just so sensitive. Erwin’s palm was so large that he didn’t need both hands to cover Levi’s manhood. 

“You are absolutely gorgeous Levi. So perfect.” Erwin chanted, mouth still on his skin, his hand a merciless frenetic motion on Levi’s hard and leaking length. It sent Levi over the edge so quickly. 

“Shit Erwin.” Levi cried. He bent over with the force of the upcoming orgasm. Fortunately, he was retained by the strong arms around him. Levi’s pants became uncontrollable and desperately as Erwin’s hand moved faster and harder. “Ah!” He cried before he milked all over Erwin’s hand, arms and his own torso. He collapsed, exhausted against Erwin’s covered chest. Levi was still convulsing against Erwin, as he kissed his damp silky hair. 

“Breathe.” Erwin asked Levi. But the younger man just grabbed his face to embark him into another breathless kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why it is so hard to write smut ? Le sigh...


	8. Chapter 8

Twenty days.

It was the number of days remaining for Levi to complete his three-months community service. Ironically, the thought of spending ninety days locked in the centre around disabled people during summer time wasn’t so enchanting at first. Now he wished he didn’t have to leave. Especially, since what happened with Erwin. A few days ago, their relationship took a drastic turn and Levi’s head was filled with memories of warm imposing hands all over his body. He craved to have that connection for so long, he almost gave up on it before it happened. 

Since that day, their encounters became more and more intimate. Erwin dared to touch him in places that were forbidden in his mind, but which allowed the most honest sounds to escape from Levi. They explored each other’s body as if they discovered it for the first time each time. All this was undoubtedly done in the confines of Erwin’s apartment. Still, not once they went over the boundaries that the older man settled, to Levi’s frustration. The younger man was clearly impatient. Not that he would go against Erwin’s will, it was just that the future made him anxious. He didn’t want to stop coming to the centre. Sure, he could still visit Erwin but if Erwin decided to end this, whatever it was, Levi wouldn’t know how to react. But it would not be pretty for sure. Erwin was explicit about his feelings towards Levi, but his insecurities were louder. 

Levi’s hair was so soft Erwin couldn’t resist sinking his fingers inside. Levi moved his head in comfortable position on the blonde’s robust thighs, as Erwin’s baritone voice lulled him. 

“…It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charged with punishments the scroll.  
I am the master of my fate:  
I am the captain of my soul. »

“This poem is dear to me. It makes me believe that no matter what happens, there’s always that glimmer of hope inside of us.” Erwin explained in a solemn tone. Since he could read, Erwin always found comfort in words and stories of different times and places. “isn’t it incredible to be able to relate to someone who was born hundreds of years ago?” Erwin said truly fascinated. He waited for Levi’s reply, but he just sensed limbs circling him and a warm breath on his neck. Erwin let his book fell to reciprocate the embrace without hesitation. 

“What is it darling?” 

« I- I don’t want to leave. » 

Erwin raised an eyebrow in confusion. He wasn’t exactly sure about what was Levi talking about but he tightened the embrace before saying, “I don’t want you to leave too.” Levi nudged his face in the crook of Erwin’s neck and he hoped the blonde couldn’t hear his heart shattering gradually.

« Ackerman! »

« Shit. » Levi rolled his eyes. He was too close to pretend he didn’t hear, he turned around. « Hange. » He greeted nonchalantly, that air of defiance constantly in his face. 

« I was looking for you. » They said, features overly stretched, as usual. 

« Ah yes? » Levi asked sceptically. He searched in his mind what he could have done wrong recently but nothing came up. Unless-

« Yes. Come with me one sec. » They ordered before heading towards an unknown corridor, Levi followed, his mind racing. They opened a door, using a key and invited Levi inside. Levi had never seen a room that messy. Papers scattered literally everywhere, cups of coffee accumulating at the corner of the desk and ton of dust, all this enriched by the smell of a dead rat. 

« Don’t mind the mess, I hate when they clean here…After, I cannot find anything! » They said while searching madly inside of their desk. Levi did everything in his power to not put pinch his nose. « Make yourself comfortable, take a sit. » Hange waved at the chair in front of the desk. Levi remained standing. 

« Ah! There it is. » They exclaimed joyfully. « Take this. » They handed a paper to Levi. His eyes widened. 

« Seriously? »

« Yes. I talked to Erwin’s eyes specialist and he didn’t object the trip. You have the signatures there. Isn’t it great?” 

“Yeah…” Levi was still shocked and he thought that maybe Hange wasn’t so bad.

“Yes it is. But I have to brief you about some rules.”

They went there on a Saturday. Erwin was not really eager to leave his cocoon to go on an adventure outside the centre. But he didn’t fight long Levi’s argumentation especially when it came with kisses. 

Levi was not supposed to work during the weekend but he didn’t care much. He just wanted to spend as much time as possible with Erwin, before all of this ended. They were walking side by side on their way to the bus station. Levi’s hand was clutching Erwin’s forearm and his eyes were scanning everything that could possibly be a threat. He even shouted at a young girl who pushed Erwin accidentally. The older man had to calm Levi down before he could do something he would regret. Levi was just too nervous, the whole purpose of this trip was to do something nice for Erwin but he would not forgive himself if anything happened to him. When they finally sat inside the bus, Levi was less anxious but still on edge. That was when he caught the biggest smile on Erwin’s lips that Levi felt he could breathe a little. 

They arrived at the fair in the early afternoon. Few miles away, they could already hear the noises of the carnival cacophony coming from different rides and games. As soon as they entered the gate, they were welcomed by a crowded place filled with people of all age, flashes of colour and sweet smell all around them. 

“What do you want to do first?” Levi demanded.

“What is there to do?” Erwin asked and Levi then explained, the variety of rides and stands near them.

“Should we walk around first?” The blonde then suggested and Levi agreed. The place was noisy as Hange predicted. They gave Levi extra medicines in case of Erwin’s headaches. But for now, Erwin was doing just fine. They passed near a ride so fast and terrifying that every person in there was tearing their vocal cords. 

“What’s this?” Erwin asked intrigued by the screams and Levi told him that it was game where everyone’s head was upside down. 

“I want to do that.” Erwin said more than serious and Levi gasped. 

“You are not serious Erwin?” 

“Are you afraid?” 

“You wish. But Hange sai-” 

“Hange is not there and it is just a game.” 

“Tsk.” 

“But if you don’t want…” 

“Yes. Ok!” Levi dragged Erwin to the booth near the ride and paid for two tickets. At the centre, Erwin entrusted Levi his wallet and told him that he would pay for everything. Levi argued against it. Sure, he didn’t own a lot but he could afford a ride or two. But Erwin insisted greatly to pay for everything. Levi accepted, a little bit embarrassed. 

As they were waiting for their turn, Levi was completely silent, preparing mentally for his upcoming death, while Erwin was asking each ten seconds if they could go already. As soon as Levi’s belt made that click sound, he regretted to ever agree to this. The machine was merciless, balancing them from one side to another, their seats were spinning around and their heads were upside down, the machine was ferociously launching them into the air as if they were some threw at a dog. Levi’s eyes were closed the whole time and he couldn’t prevent the scream escaping from his mouth when he took a glimpse of the view. He could literally see the whole fair from their viewpoint. Next, to him, Erwin was having the time of his life, he screamed and laughed and he couldn’t stop saying that it was awesome. 

Levi’s hands were on his knees, ready to bring out his lunch. “It was awesome Levi!” Erwin exclaimed, beaming. “We should do it again.” Levi did not answer.

Fortunately, or not for Levi, they wandered in other areas of the fair away from the torture machine that almost killed him. But Levi soon realised that it was only the beginning of his ordeal. Erwin wanted to do every ride, but not the gentle pony one full of children, no the deadly one filled with suicidal beings. And Levi agreed to do them all because Erwin just looked so happy. 

All these rides certainly made Erwin hungry at some point and he insisted to eat the food that smelled like grilled meat when they passed through the food stands. Erwin was waiting at the end of a long table when Levi brought two plates which constituted of a ketchup dripping burger, grilled cheese fries and a soda for each. He gave Erwin his plate before sitting in front of the man. They devoured their plate like there was no tomorrow. 

“Better than cafeteria food right?” Levi said, mouth full. 

“Hell yeah.” Erwin agreed, mouth as full.

When they finished, they walked through the corner of the fair filled with games. Children and older were hitting moving targets with plastic pistols, throwing balls onto marked objectives and hoops. It was filled with all kind of games where one could win oversized plush animal and Levi remembered furtively the teddy bear Petra showed him. 

“I want to try the pistol game.” Levi said before dragging Erwin near the booth. Levi bought a ticket which consisted of three shots and he miserably missed all of them. Erwin tried to comfort Levi but at the same time, he wanted to laugh at how grumpy Levi sounded. 

“This is bullshit anyway. These games are made purposely for us to lose.” Levi defended. 

“Yes I know.” Erwin agreed. “Do you want to try another one?” 

“Nope. There is nothing else interesting. Maybe the basketball one, but I don’t want to.”

“I want to try this one.” 

“Yeah?” Levi asked unsurely. Erwin nodded and Levi brought him in front of the basketball hoop and paid for Erwin’s ticket. The man at the booth looked at Erwin sceptically but shrugged it off when he saw Levi handing him the money. 

Levi explained to Erwin furtively where the basketball hoop was situated and he handed him the orange ball. Erwin concentrated while Levi and the owner of the booth observed him. He missed his first attempt but not from much.

“More on the left Erwin.” Levi explained and he handed him another ball. Levi was already impressed that he could aim this good with the poor information he gave him. Levi remembered vaguely Erwin telling him he did basketball in high school but it was still remarkable for someone who could not even see. 

Erwin focused intensely again for long seconds which seemed like an eternity for Levi and he shot again. A buzz resonated from the game and it made the machine shine with every colour of the rainbow. Levi’s mouth fell.

“Wooah amazing man!” The booth owner said and Erwin chuckled a little. “You have one shot left.” Erwin did exactly the same thing as before and shoot again right in the plastic hoop. 

“Amazing!” The man exclaimed once more.

“Did you see that Levi?” Erwin asked proudly. 

“Yeah…” 

“Ok Guys you have won toy in the upper section. The owner gestured behind him, showing a shelve with the biggest plush animals. 

“You can choose Levi.” Erwin suggested and Levi huffed. “Come on, darling.” Levi’s ears were flushed and he hastened to choose a toy, he picked the first one he laid his eyes on. 

Later, they sat on a bench, a little bit away from the crowd and Levi brought them ice cream.

“I don’t remember the last time I ate this.” Erwin told after the first taste of his vanilla flavoured dessert. He hummed enjoyably. 

“You are such an old man.” Levi accused. 

“Thank you.” Levi stopped in the middle of licking his minty treat and looked back at Erwin. “Thank you for bringing me here Levi.” Erwin’s words made his inside melt and seeing the expression of pure joy in Erwin’s features made all the rides of this world worth it. Levi would do it all over again if it meant that Erwin’s face could brighten like that.

“Tch. That’s nothin’.” Levi tried to play it cool, even though it felt so warm in the pit of his stomach. 

Erwin’s face went closer and Levi understood quickly. He pecked him, the flavours mixing on their lips. Although they decided to not show any kind of affection outside, Levi could not resist and accept gladly the small kiss. 

The sun was beginning to settle when they made their way back. They exited via another entrance of the park that led them to walk into the woods, before reaching the sidewalk. Levi’s hand was on Erwin as usual, his other one clutching the plush toy. 

“Hey faggots.” Levi’s blood boiled. Both him and Erwin stopped in their track, they subconsciously drew apart from each other. 

“What the fuck did you just say?” Levi turned around him to see a group of men, smoking and drinking near a tree. 

“Levi don’t.” Erwin insisted but Levi’s anger had already taken the best of him.

“I said ‘Hey faggots.” One of them said and Levi supposed he was the ‘chief’ of the band by how the others stood near him, like dogs waiting to be released. 

“Try to repeat this in front of me bastard.” Levi roared. His fist tightening.

“So that you can fight me with your teddy bear.” All of them laughed out loud. 

Levi threw the toy away while making his way towards the group. The group of men got closer when Levi approached. Weirdly, the ‘chief’ face reminded Levi of someone but he could not pinpoint who.

“Repeat that.” He hissed. his face centimetres away from the man.

“Fagg-” He couldn’t even finish pronouncing the word completely that a blow hit his face and he stumbled on the ground. It took only one second for the others to realized what happened and they were all on Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter was supposed to be longer but it was just too long so I decided to cut it.  
> To be continued in the next chap. ^^


	9. Chapter 9

Everything was white and everything hurt. He tried to move his limbs but he felt heavy as a concrete block, a throbbing pain running through his body. The pain was especially merciless in the area of his abdomen. His mouth felt like sandpaper and he hummed unconsciously his discomfort and as he tried to figure out his situation. His lungs began to work irregularly. Why could he not move? It felt like being trapped and the fuss behind his closed eyes increased his anxiousness, he could decipher voices but no faces.

“He is waking up.”

“Get the doctor!”

When he was finally able to flutter his eyes open, he was welcome with a violent light. Everything was just too bright and as if his senses woke up with him, the nauseous odour of sick human body mixed with an antiseptic and cleaning solution made him want to empty his already shrunken stomach. As his body heaved for the upcoming repulsive flood to escape his throat he felt hands on the back of his head and shoulders helping him leaning on as what he could perceive as a bucket. His mouth contracted open uncontrollably ready to let everything go but nothing came up beside saliva and his stomach still contracted beside having nothing to offer and it intensified the already gut-wrenching pain he experienced on his chest.

“It is ok.” The woman removed strands from his sweaty forehead. “We can stay like that until you are done.”

“Hmm” He answered before the torturous sensation on his stomach took him over again for nothing. “Water.” He requested with the voice of a man who sounded like he screamed for hours on no end.

Next thing he knew a straw was forcing his dry lips and he coughed before being able to sip the cold liquid. The sensation was welcoming in his dying throat. At that moment he could finally perceive his saviour, a youthful face with bright eyes crowned by blonde strands. “Thanks.” He voiced but it came out so faintly that he was surprised she could even hear it.

“You are welcome but now you have to lie down again.” She adjusted the cushion behind him making sure it would be comfortable and she helped him lay down gradually with attentive hands. The young man groaned as his back hit the mattress again, all these contortions making his pain an unbearable agony. He shut his eyes as if it could make the aching sensation go away and his environment more peaceful but the fuss behind his closed eyes made him restless.

“How long as he been awake?” A deeper voice resonated in the room.

“Approximatively ten minutes.”

“Mr Ackerman?”

Levi unwillingly opened his eyes again. He didn’t answer but he looked at the man calling his name: old, grey and white coat.

“How do you feel?” The man sat on a chair next to Levi’s bed.

“Like shit.” Levi managed to express his voice still raspy.

“Well, I need to make a check-up. Can you keep your eyes open for me?” The man in white asked and directly blurred Levi’s view with a vivid light. Levi’s face contorted instinctively. The doctor nodded to himself before telling; “Mr Ackerman you will be fine. You have been badly beaten up you know.” Levi made a grimace. “two broken ribs, a concussion and some bruises. It is not that bad.”

Levi looked properly around him and it was at that moment he realised clearly where he was, the machines, the bed, the white walls. Levi’s mind wondered as the doctor told him about the procedure that was done to him. Past his shoulder, in the door ajar, he saw the back of figure and Levi thought that the way the amber hair was gathered messily together in a ponytail was familiar to him. He took him a whole minute to comprehend why it felt like that.

A flash went through his eyes.

Erwin.

“Where is Erwin?” He interrupted the surprised doctor in his speech as he tried to stand up of the bed.

“Mr Ackerman you have to stay in your bed.” The angelic face woman who took care of him earlier ordered him as she tried with a relatively thin arm to force him to lie down again.

“I have to find Erwin!” Levi in his normal state would outdo her for sure but his body betrayed him with a throbbing ache.

“You shouldn’t try walking so soon. You have been out for three whole days.”

“What?” Levi asked his face contorted, his hands clutching at the right side of his torso. Three days? Levi hoped it was a joke. “Erwin Smith. I was with Erwin Smith where is he now?” He looked at the two pairs of incredulous eyes alternatively.

“You were alone when you have been introduced in this hospital, Mr Ackerman.” The woman said.

“But…” Levi tried desperately to get a glimpse behind the door. He needed to talk to them-

“Mr Ackerman you need to rest.”

The next time he woke up, his body still ached but at least he could move. His head felt dizzy and he searched around him for something, someone. His eyes fell on something and when the focus became clear again, he was stunned. As soon as he saw them his mind gained back consciousness immediately. “Where is Erwin?” Was his first words to them.

“Hello, Levi. Yes, it is nice to see you too.” The nurse said, mostly talking to themselves in frivolous tone. They opened the curtains of the stiff room, blinding Levi, he shielded himself with a weak hand.

“Erwin is in the centre.” They answered all the joy stripped from their speech.

Relief went through Levi’s body and he slumped back into bed. “Tell me that he is fine…” He pleaded dejected eyes fixed on the ceiling. The memories hit him the moment he saw Hange’s silhouette earlier or was it the day before? He didn’t know he lost track of the time the moment he woke up in this bed.

“He is fine.” Hange said gazing at an invisible point outside through the large window. The generally sparkling wine coloured eyes were now devoted of any warmth and enthusiasm. Now all, he could see was resentment and hatred. Levi could barely look them in the eyes. “But what you did was the stupidest thing you could ever do.” Levi clenched his fists into the white sheet. “You had literally one job. One.” Their voice didn’t raise but it still sent a chill into Levi's spine because of how low and dark it was. “I thought something terrible happened. And it did. Look at you.”

Levi looked down quietly. What could he say? He knew he fucked up.

“And Erwin. Oh, poor Erwin. Thank God, he has nothing but seeing him like that, all miserable and scared…”

Levi swallowed hard. “I need to see him.” The idea that Erwin could be in such a state was unbearable, it was supposed to be a memorable experience for both of them, but not in such a traumatizing way. Erwin must have felt some type of way towards him and Levi’s heart contracted like his stomach earlier.

The evillest laugh left the mouth of the nurse and it made the pang of guilt inside of him grow bigger. But what she said next made Levi’s life fall apart.

“Levi. You are not coming back.” They emphasised each word distinctively. “Someone else is going to take care of Erwin now.”

Levi let the information sink into his brain and he felt numbness above his aching body. It felt like hearing his mother left this earth all over again. His pale face became a shade lighter, he wanted to throw up. He slowly shook his head as if rejecting the reality.

Only him could ever look after Erwin and no one else.

“Erwin needs me Hange.” He managed to say but he failed himself to believe his own words.

Hange sighed, this whole situation wasn’t fun for them also and one could see in their eyes if they looked close enough that it didn’t make them feel delighted either and if one looked closer you could see the hint of dejection too.

“Lev-” They wanted to say something but withdrew quickly. “The police will be there to take your deposition this afternoon.” They resigned to say before leaving Levi with his sickening feelings.

Levi glanced at the plate in front of him before pushing it aside. He hasn’t been able to eat since he woke up, his stomach was already full of melancholy and culpability, it was tearing him apart from the inside, adding to an already painful experience. But this, it hurt more. Erwin was haunting his short moment of respite; one thousand questions were swirling in his head making him dizzy. And ninety-nine per cent of them concerned the blonde man. Despite, the confirmation from Hange that he was physically fine, he wondered how Erwin coped with the situation emotionally and if he hated him. Levi would understand if he did. He was so absorbed by these obsessive thoughts that he didn’t take into account his own health and wellbeing, Levi was shocked the first time he went to the bathroom and discovered his body. He looked absolutely awful, he had stitches on his forehead, a fading black eye, a busted lip. He had all kind of bruises on his arms and legs and he also discovered the whole yellow patch on his chest where his ribs were broken, there his bruises were still vivid and took a vast part of the skin.

“Mr Ackerman?” Levi broke out from his dream-like state upon hearing his name. “Officer Marlon and Davidson we are here to ask you some questions about the incident at the park.”  
Levi nodded lazily, Officer Marlon took place in the chair next to Levi’s bed, while the other, Davidson, stood behind him.

“First of all, can you tell us about the course of this night?”

Levi remembered the intense lights, the loud screams, the blaring music but mostly the most vivid memory was the bright smile of the man he could not erase from his thoughts. He glanced at the voice recorder that Davidson placed next to him before swallowing. “We were-“

“Who’s we?”

“Me and Erwin Smith, the patient I was in charge from the disabled centre,” Levi explained calmly before continuing. “We were leaving the fair through the park exit when some guys decided to start shi- I mean troubles with us for no reason.”

“What happened then exactly?”

Levi frowned, he didn’t remember well, it felt like it happened a lifetime ago. “One of them insulted us and…And it made me mad.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t remember.” Levi glanced to the side, as the lie unfolded from his tongue. “They looked like they were on something besides being drunk, they were just bunch of idiots looking for a fight.”

“Did you do something?”

Levi hesitated before answering. “I did. I told this motherfucking man to tell this in front of my face.”

“What happened next?”

“I don’t remember I think they just beat the fuck out of me.” Levi’s lips twitched bitterly.  
He reminisced the feeling of the dirt under his nails, his face on the mud, the feel of iron in his mouth and the throbbing pain going through his body.

The officers looked at each other. “It might not be just men looking for a fight. Mr Smith told us that one of the men mentioned Farlan Church. Do you remember that?

Levi raised a brow. “No, not at all. How does Farlan have anything to do with this?” Levi’s eyes narrowed.

“Apparently the men who attacked you, they were looking for Mr Church.”

Levi looked puzzled as if this whole situation wasn’t a mess already… Why would Farlan- And then it hit him. “The guy who insulted us, I remember seeing him before… near the centre. He bumped into me.” He was that son of a bitch he was sure.

“His name is Carl Pratt and his connection to one of the most searched dealers of the country, Church was hired to take care of the business in this area. But he most likely ran away with the amount of money he was supposed to give back.” Levi looked at the picture of Carl Pratt that was handed to him.

“They have been keeping an eye on Church since they could not trust him and that is how they discovered that you two were close.”

“Last time I saw Farlan was weeks ago.”

“Did you know about any of Mr Church’s activities?”

“No.” Levi lied. Farlan told him he was involved in shady business and that is why  
they fell apart in the first place. “But, fuck. Where is Farlan now?”

“We are still looking for him. If we have any information we will get back to you.” Both the officers stood up. “Thank you, Mr Ackerman, for your cooperation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!  
> I wish for all of you the best for 2019.  
> Now, I would like to apologize for disappearing like that but December was such a busy month for me.  
> Like I had to travel two times, for my best friend wedding and for my new job, I had to move in another country.  
> I also spend quality time with my family because we barely spend time all together now that we are all adults, lol.  
> Anyway now I am back ! I will try to update regularly again !


	10. Chapter 10

"Tell me about your eyes." Erwin asked in a dream-state like. "What colour are they ?"

"Tchh" Levi snorted. "Why do you need to know ?" Levi's cheeks burnt a little bit, changing the shade of his creamy skin. He was almost relieved that Erwin would never know how easy it was for people to read his emotions on his face.

"I just want to know." The blonde insisted, completely incredulous to Levi's state. 

Levi sighed and hummed before answering. "They are some shade of blue? Grey? I don't know." The younger men narrowed his eyes, pensive. 

"How come you don't know? Don't you see them every day?" Erwin chuckled lightly."Hange told me you could send daggers with your eyes. Petra told me they were really intense. Shadis told me that you look scary." He finished with a smirk. 

"Did you really ask the whole centre about the colour of my eyes ?" Levi frowned, a little bit alarmed by this revelation. "You're such a weirdo." 

"I was just curious." Erwin's lips curved, omitting to say that it was something he secretly wanted to know for a while now. "I wish I could see them." Levi knew that Erwin wished that because he constantly told him so and each time, it tore something apart inside of him. 

Levi deliberately ignored Erwin's last comment. "You could have asked me then." His hand floated on the grassy surface. 

"Certainly." Erwin chuckled awkwardly this time, before going on with his investigation. "How about your hair ?" 

"Black." 

"Oh."

"What? "

"I don't know ...I imagined it was way lighter."

"You thought I was a blondie like you ?" Levi emphasised with a hand pushing a strand from Erwin's forehead. "Disappointed much ?" 

Erwin grabbed Levi's hand at the wrist and pulled it closer to his own mouth, dropping a kiss in his raw palm. Levi looked around them instinctively, they were a bit far away from the not so crowded area but he still searched for inquisitive eyes. When he was sure that nobody was looking their way, his shoulders slumped, apprehension leaving his body and his eyes focused on the way the older man's lips caressed his palm. "No. not at all." Erwin declared, his voice muffled against Levi's palm. "I was just surprised. But it does suit you." 

"Matching the state of my soul. I know." Levi mentioned, deadpanned. 

Erwin was so taken aback by Levi's serious tone that he lost it and the air between them filled with rich, deep laughter. "How poetic." He commented after calming himself. 

"This is what hours of poems reading will do to you." Levi shrugged. "I spend too much time with you." 

"Probably." Erwin agreed vehemently and Levi couldn't help the tiny smile gracing his lips. 

"And you know what? I am pale as fuck." 

"I can imagine that." 

"How ?" 

"You wear so many layers in this suffocating weather. I thought at first that you were hiding something underneath all this accoutrement but since ..." And then it was Erwin's turn to have his cheeks burning. His sensed filled with the sensation of Levi's bare skin under his fingertips. It only happened the day before and he was still flustered by their sweet interaction. "...you know and then I just assume that you might have some kind of concern with the sun? Something like that." Levi took great pleasure seeing Erwin's expression change this way. He was always so self-assured and resolute that Levi found those moments when he couldn't hide how he felt, endearing and just so real. 

"Yeah. I do burn easily..." Levi inspected the part of his arms which were not covered. He didn't see any damage yet. It was probably thanks to the thick branches of the tree protecting them from the sunlight. He would generally take his jacket but it was particularly hot that day and he would just look ridiculous. However, no matter how hot it was he would never trade his jeans for something shorter. "I can't stand the sun, not for too long. I am no golden Apollo like you." He placed a bony and pale arm next to Erwin's tan and thick one. "Lucky bastard. This is shitty genetics." Levi scoffed.

Erwin's curiosity had been piqued then. "Who do you look like the most? your mother or your father ?" The only thing that Erwin knew about Levi's family was that his uncle raised him and his parents weren't in the picture anymore. But he never pushed the younger man into revealing things he didn't want to talk about, so he remained mostly clueless. But he took this revelation as an open door. 

Levi paused before answering "My mom. I suppose." 

Erwin's face turned into the direction of Levi's voice, attentive. "What do you mean by "I suppose" ?" 

Levi sighed heavily, he fidgeted with a string on his torn jeans." I don't know what my "father" looks like. I don't know him." Why beat around the bush? Levi didn't have to hide anything. Not from Erwin.

"I am sorry." 

"I don't care really." Maybe he did, maybe he did not. 

"Your mother really must have been stunning." Erwin commented on a lighter note. 

Levi snorted. "You don't know that." 

"I am sure she was." And how could Erwin be so sure about something like this? He had absolutely no idea what Levi looked like, much less his mother. but he exhumed so much genuineness in his response that Levi did believe each of his words. 

"Thank you. " 

Levi woke up still trapped between white walls again. His eyes were slightly damped. That night he dreamed about her. Her pale hands on his face felt too real, it seemed like the sensation lingered on his skin even after waking up. The way she embraced him, he appeared a small and frail child all over again, as he could fit inside her ghostly arms. She smiled so brightly despite her tired eyes. Levi had wanted to take away the causes of her concern, her distress. The frigid and cold air surrounding them didn't hinder how warm and cherished he felt in her arms. It let a terrible, bittersweet feeling inside of Levi when he opened his eyes. 

These last few days, Levi spent them lost in his thoughts and he wondered at which moment of his life everything tumbled down. Perhaps it was the moment, he decided that school wasn't so important, or the moment he agreed to rob that shop or maybe the moment he woke up to find the laying corpse of his mother. It might be that moment. That was maybe the reason he was so damaged. 

Levi's eyes were still so heavy and his heart so consumed that he took a while to notice the figure next to him. Levi had to blink twice before recognizing the lean and tall figure. The last person he dreamed to see, not even in his nightmare.

“Hey, lil boy, how ya been doing ?” A smirk formed in his wrinkled and hollowed face.

Levi adjusted his position so that he could glare at the man. “Can’t you see? I am doing good.” He rolled his eyes back into his skull. 

The man observed him from head to toe. “Yeah, looking really good all beaten up and shit.” He said, adjusting his worn hat, it was probably more beaten up than Levi himself. Levi told himself he should have burned that thing a long time ago and then maybe that old dying body would have left him alone for good. 

“Don’t you have anything else more interesting to do? Like drinking shit and passing out on a prostitute or something ?” If Kenny wanted to start shit, he would start shit.

“I see that you didn’t lose that mouth of yours. I am not surprised.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Listen, brat I am not here to argue. You put yourself in a deep and smelly shit I am here to help.” 

Levi snorted, a bitter sound.“I am glad.” 

“You stupid brat I care abou-”

Something red and angry flashed in the eyes of the younger man. “You fucking never cared! All you care about is the fucking money you receive from the state because of me.” Levi pointed at himself. It took all his being not take the man by the neck and drag his old bones outside the door. He could do it he was sure despite his all his members aching. The growing rage inside him, a sufficient source of strength. 

The outburst let the older man in stunning silence before he said softly, “I promised her kiddo.” 

"Don't." Levi would not let him involved her into this. 

"This is the truth." Kenny continued, voice even and calm, while Levi was one word away from losing his cool totally. 

“When?" Levi suffocated as his voice grew an octave and a flashback went through his mind. "When her body was left in the dust? Slowly rotting in front of me ?".This view will be forever printed in his mind, the rotten scent of a body forever associated with the last memory of his mom. "You. were. not. there." Levi sounded raw and bruised, this fucking old man had no right.

“No. I wasn’t there.” Kenny admitted so easily and Levi scoffed. He shook his head an attempt to contain the threatening wetness at the corner of eyes as he tried to fight a nervous smirk. He didn't know what to feel, how to feel. Levi's words could be interpreted in so many ways. Kenny was non-existence before the illness took away his mother. However, his presence afterwards resumed in being there solely materially.

It was the first time Kenny was being more or less genuine and honest about his mistakes. But it was far from enough for Levi, he wanted him to suffer, to feel the hatred he cultivated for him from all these years. "You thought that giving her brat a crumbling bed and shitty food would be enough ?” His acid words hit Kenny like a dagger and Levi could see it by how openly the man's face distorted painfully. Good.

“I tried ma best kiddo. I ain’t no father.” The older man defended weakly.

Levi looked away from him, having enough of seeing that miserable face.  
Kenny stood up, intelligent enough to understand his trial had come to an end. He was free to go. He adjusted his hat back in his fading hair and threw a last glance at Levi before making his exit. “If ya need anything, tell me.” 

Levi insisted on contemplating the white wall. 

Levi tried many times. He called the centre again and again with the hope of reaching Erwin, he had so many things to confess, so many things to ask him, so many things to understand. but his main concern was to tell Erwin how sorry he was for everything that happened because of him. Once again. However, he didn't have any chance to show Erwin his repentance because the operator at the end of the line didn't even let him talk to him. “Mr Smith is busy with his coach, Mr Smith doesn’t feel right, Mr Smith wishes to not be disturb.” And after each excuse, he took Levi all his self-control not to cussed them out. It felt like the ocean between them grew wider and it became more and more arduous to see the end of the horizon.

He was munching on the Vietnamese take out that Kenny brought him that night. Since their last interaction, Kenny swallowed his pride and came to visit often, making sure his presence wasn't equal to one of a ghost like in the past. Levi acknowledged the effort, but something inside of him was still left empty and broken. 

“Isn’t it good kiddo ?” Kenny asked from his chair, ingesting his own noodles. Levi side-eyed him before nibbling at his food. It still was difficult to ingest without his belly aching. He hummed as a response. 

“Ahah I told ya!” 

He still had so much resentment against the man and so many buried unspoken words but he would stay quiet for now. 

Levi’s stay in the hospital lasted two weeks in total but his ribs would take at least six weeks before being completely healed. His doctor mentioned that he could go back to his day to day life but, of course, without extreme activities. Levi nodded at the doctor's advice but all he could hear was that he was free. Free to be, to act and the first thing Levi wanted to do was to visit Erwin. It didn't matter what his brain was telling him, his heart had other intentions. 

The news fell two days before he was supposed to be discharged. 

The officer came early in the morning, his steps growing heavy behind Levi's door until it reached him. Levi accepted with intrigued eyes the document that would disturb completely his plan. Levi's cloudy eyes cleared as he read the bold characters indicating the place and the time of his next trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on my trash blog troublemoi on tumblr !


	11. Chapter 11

They were in a hurry, their strides convincing and decisive enough to let anyone know they'd better not be in their way. They looked through the small rectangular glass holes on the gym's doors, scanning each individual before they located the one they were targeting. They slipped into the room, making sure they would not disturb any occurring training session. 

"Erwin, don't push yourself too much." Not so far away, coach Berner was panicking and from the look of his face, it seemed like it wasn't the first time he had attempted to calm the stubborn, unfazed patient. 

A bubble, Erwin appeared as if he was in his own bubble, not aware of elements outside of it. It translated effectively in the strength of his punches, which didn't change fervour after the recommendation of the coach. He hit the poor punching ball as though his life depended on it.

"Time's up, Erwin." The bubble dissolved and Erwin ended the carnage, his wrath folding back into him. His arms hanged at his side as he tried to catch his breath.

Hange observed the man with a sombre eye before they took the opportunity to have a word with the disoriented coach while Erwin was recovering.

"How is he ?" They whispered when they were close enough. 

"Well as you can see, not better than last time, he is still pushing himself too much, he might eventually get hurt if he goes on like that." The expressive eyes of the coach met the dull amber eyes of the nurse. they nodded slowly as they processed the updated data. 

The increasing concern they had for the patient grew tenfold.

***

Erwin has always felt amazing after a gym session, for him it was a moment where he could clear his mind of any matters, especially early morning before the start of his day at the office. It allowed him to feel lighter and less strained when dealing with a critical situation. He was searching for this perception again, an outlet for his current and deep turmoil inside of him. But while he kept pushing his body to his limits, he still couldn't find any relief in his aching limbs and sore muscles. 

"Where is the new caretaker Erwin ?" Hange inquired as they lead Erwin between the bleached walls of the corridor.

"In the communal room," Erwin explained, deadpan. 

Hange paused, a brow raising too high for their small forehead."Isn't he supposed to go to the session with you Erwin? That is why this kid is there after all? Well if I'm not mistaken."

"Effectively Hange, but I told him he could have some rest."

"Erwin..." Hange sighed. 

He really tried. But after some time spending with the new caretaker, he couldn't stand it. Too nice, too polite, too conventional, too boring. In a world where Erwin would have never known Levi, he would be perfect for the job. But Erwin clearly knew better. He knew better, he knew the one, who was not afraid to speak his mind, who saw past his disease and who treated him like a person.

A man, not an anomaly. 

Hange opened the doors of Erwin's room, letting the man settled inside. "I will see you tonight then and... Erwin?" The blonde man paused, waiting. "He called again this morning." The nurse watched for his reaction, a reaction. A least. They left after an umpteenth failure. 

Not a single shift on Erwin's face. 

***

"Erwin ?" He snapped out of his trance, now aware of his surroundings. "It will become cold, you should eat." Hange came back as they announced. They didn't even argue once they noticed the new kid was still nowhere to be seen. 

Erwin had been so immersed in his thoughts, that focusing to read or even conversing with people became a hard task. He sighed heavily. He knew he wasn't being reasonable, behaving like a small child not having his own way. Hange had nothing to do with any of this, they were just doing their job and it wasn't fair to behave this way with them. But just he wished they would leave him alone. 

"Listen to me, Erwin." They began, voice hesitant and unsure, a complete contrast to their assertive nature. Erwin stopped chopping his food. "I know you had a special bond with Levi." They acknowledged seriously. "I miss him too honestly." Despite their incessant quarrels and disagreements, Hange became quite fond of the unpredictable boy. "But as I told you-"

Steel clashed against ceramic and for a moment everything went dead silent. 

Hange jumped at Erwin's spontaneous act. It was the first time that the man showed any kind of irritation. They silently took the scattered cutlery and placed them back at his reach. 

"I am sorry. But we already talked about this matter." The blonde rubbed his face with a hand, upon realising what he just had done. His emotions never took the better of him. Never. But they already had this conversation before, a few days after the disastrous event. He comprehended why Levi couldn't come back, he brought Erwin too much stress and delivered too many problems in Hange's words. But what the nurse didn't know, was how Levi, despite all the odds, had been his sole source of peace and stability for months. And being there without him felt too like he was losing control of his life. Once more. His presence had comforted him against the growing dread inside of him. No matter how vulnerable and exposed he felt with Levi, he gave him the sensation that everything was possible. Erwin never felt like that. 

But this he could not tell Hange. He had to school his emotion in fear of raising suspicion. While he never had issues schooling his face into a mask, he found himself struggling to do it in this situation. A situation he caused. 

"I know it is just..." Hange tried. " Erwin, I consider you a friend and I hope you reciprocate the feeling. I know you said you didn't want to hear about him anymore but you need to hear this." 

***

The judge was anything but delighted to realise that the young man was back in his courtroom. Levi sat motionless and emotionless, barely listening to the prosecutor pointing all the charges against him. The man was relentless, pleading his cause against Levi catching the attention of the audience by vilifying the adolescent using the most impactful words; disturbed, threat, danger. Levi watched with a distant and unfocused gaze these uptight people who knew nothing about him debating his potential future. Except he could not bring himself to care, his mind too far away, his heart not in the right place. 

“Mr Ackerman." The judge's voice resonated into the courtroom, Levi stood straight upon hearing his name. He tried to prevent the grimace from appearing in his face, as his wounds were still aching. The judge went on, unfazed; "The defendant does not understand the consequences of his actions and how he can endanger himself and people around him. He is not capable of handling his temper, acting with violence. Mr Ackerman's past is a trigger for his behaviour, and we all aware how difficult it is for a young man to grew up normally with this kind of harmful upbringing and environment." Kenny snorted loudly behind him and Levi threw him the coldest gaze. 

"However..." The judge fixed Levi's gaze, addressing him directly. " ...You didn't show any sign of willingness to integrate a normal and traditional life. The jury has been very lenient with your first sentences which constituted of a burglary, high speed and reckless driving, without a license. And now, yourself and a disabled citizen in danger, being completely aware of the risks Mr Smith could encounter." Hearing Erwin's name stung more than his wounds. "Thought this altercation may be premeditated due to the connection Mr Farlan Church has with the convicted gang, Mr Ackerman, you had the opportunity to walk away from the situation. " Levi looked down on his bruised hands. "The jury's recommendation is to send you to a juvenile centre, where you will have to attend counselling and anger management classes. I, therefore, Mr Ackerman, sentenced you for a duration of twelve months." 

Levi's eyes widen as he heard the haunting hardwood sound of the gavel officializing his punishment. Awaken from his numbing sensation, he searched mercy in the indifferent look of the judge, the guilty one of his lawyer, the defeated one of his uncle. And when he realized nothing could be changed, he visualized the depth of Erwin clear eyes. 

***

"He left yesterday Erwin." A creeping sensation went through the patient's body, numbing his senses, he could barely feel the smaller hand clutching his. 

"What ?" The word came out so soft, it was barely audible. It left his tightening throat painfully. His left side ached and he wondered how something already broken could still hurt this way. 

"He left Erwin." Hange pressed their lips, trying to prevent something escaping. At this moment, they wished Erwin was wearing his constant bland expression because what they saw instead was just pitiful. " He had been sent to a juvenile prison outside the state." 

"Why ?" This felt too rushed, unfinished, unaccomplished. While Erwin recognised they needed distance, it couldn't bring himself to separate route with Levi this way. Not while his heart was still shattered at the thought of the younger man, not while his scent was still impregnated in his room, not while Erwin purposely left him hanging all this time. He could not even imagine how Levi must be feeling and Erwin's inside sank deeper. 

"I heard the judge deemed him too dangerous for the public space." Hange went on, their hand still holding Erwin's.

"He did not deserve this. I need to do something..." 

"Erwin..." 

"I will make a few calls and then he will be back here." 

"Erwin." 

"Please bring me my ph-"

"It is not possible." They burst out and Erwin went silent. He withdrew his hand from their grasp slowly.

"I didn't even say goodbye Hange." The melancholy in his voice, Hange couldn't handle it. Even so, they had seen everything between these walls; anger, sorrow, pain, despair. Yet they couldn't explain why this situation affected them this much. There was something specific they couldn't grasp. 

"I know. Erwin. I know. I am sorry."

"This was my fault. He did this for me, he went there for me. It would have never happened if-" Erwin's voice cracked at the thought of Levi thinking he couldn't make it, that all his dreams were smashed before he could even try, just because he was born in the wrong place. At the end of the day, it was just a boy who couldn't find his footing in this world. Levi had many issues but he was far from being a bad person. On the contrary, he was so genuine, caring and strong, he went through too much already. He just needed the be surrounded by the right people. "He needs help, not this. Sending him away was a mistake." 

"He cannot be helped here, Erwin and you know this. There is no such facility here. It would have been worse if he had stayed." And as much as their words rang true, Erwin still could not fathom the information. He didn't know what to say. The man who always finds the right words at the right time was left agape. 

The only thing going through Erwin's head was the tickling sensation of a silky crown on his cheek, slow breathing warming his neck and the heated feeling of a body pressed against him, solid and real. 

He should have answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG long time no see !!!   
> I am so sorry for the delay I have been quite busy recently.   
> I am going through a hard period but I needed to update this story.   
> As you might sense it or not, it is coming to an end slowly.   
> I don't know how many chapters are left but it won't be more than 3.   
> Hope you like the new one, see you soon. ^^

**Author's Note:**

> It was supposed to be 300 words and small thing I put on tumblr. I don't know what to do with my life. 
> 
> Anyway my tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard


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